Wishing I Was Pregnant

negative hcg test

Before I ovulate I am rational, patient and focused.

A few days after ovulation I become an obsessive analyst of my own physical state, checking off every twinge and feeling, against a list of criteria for being pregnant.

I contacted a human at FF about my chart and they said they suspect ovulation was day 20, not day 18 as the computer has chosen.

I can see an argument for either way, but the reason this matters so much is that it means that tomorrow I am either 5 or 7 days past ovulation. And 7dpo is when I like to start testing!

I am so, so, so wishing to be pregnant… I am just fed up of this waiting, really really fed up with it. I just want to get on with it. I just want to get on with being pregnant and stop all this time from passing where NOTHING IS HAPPENING.

Of course if I am pregnant, I’ll be even more paranoid about a miscarriage because late ovulation is linked to miscarriage.

I can’t win.

I’m going to be a nervous wreck forever at this rate.

Am I ever, ever going to hold a newborn I have birthed in my arms again??

And would life be any easier if I knew the answer to this question?

2 thoughts on “Wishing I Was Pregnant

  1. Your CM would certainly suggest you O’ed CD20! But I can see the frustration because you did have a temp rise (albeit not quite so much) on CD18. Did you have any other sx to suggest you O’ed on either day? Sore bbs etc? How about OPK’s? If I was you, I would probably use CD20 as O day, simply to avoid the disappoinment of testing too early and seeing a false neg! However, who the hell has the will-power to resist POAS?!

    • I know – the temptation is too great!! I’m taking cd20 as O day, like you and FF suggested. It’s impossible to know and I didn’t have any definite symptoms to indicate either way. Aargh the waiting!!!!

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