TTC Confessions

I always get so maudlin around ovulation.

I’m supposed to be sorting through the last of all my sentimental crap, but I’m just not feeling any motivation to do anything other than ponder the lack of a pregnancy in my life.

I’ve seen 3 BFPs from forum and blogger companions this last week and it is fantastic for them (and they really have had the longest and roughest of rides, so in a weird way it’s easier for me to be happy for them than for my own real life friends who get pregnant as soon as they start trying and then spend all their time moaning about how shite they feel… yes I am horrible, no I can’t help it, yes I was exactly the same when I got pregnant without really trying), but it just makes me long to see that BFP on my own pee stick.

There must be some hormonal reason why I always feel so crap at this time, which is just plain stupid. I mean, how can I possibly muster the enthusiasm for sex when I am miserable and fed up?

Aargh, I’m just so grumpy and moping, I don’t even like being with myself at the moment.

Even my next door neighbour is bloody pregnant and I feel like some kind of MI5 agent, trying to time leaving the house so I won’t have to talk to her or her husband about how it’s going.

Oh lordy, I can’t believe I even wrote that.

One day I would really like to have sex again like I did in my twenties. The excitement, the freedom, the thrill of oh-my-god-I-hope-I-don’t-get-pregnant.

I will be glad when all this baby-making stuff is out of the way and I can actually retrain myself to do it out of sheer lust (rather than out of sheer lust for a baby).

Oh hold on, I’m married. Does lust return once the TTC sex is done with? Someone tell me it does.

Hah. You can tell ovulation is imminent by the fact that I am so preoccupied with the idea of sex.

I’m going now, before I say something we’ll both regret in the morning.

2 thoughts on “TTC Confessions

  1. Oh man! I am sorry! I can totally empathize with the whole obsession of the cycle. I too cannot wait to have sex just for sex sake! We have been doing this whole TTC thing since the month BEFORE we got married… so our whole married life has been about the days and cycles…. Lots of hugs for you!

    La-

  2. “I will be glad when all this baby-making stuff is out of the way and I can actually retrain myself to do it out of sheer lust (rather than out of sheer lust for a baby).” – I am SO with ya!! And yes, it returns.

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