The Thoughts You Entertain

thoughts

I got this in my inbox this morning. It comes from one of the few email subscriptions I have, from a man called Ken Wert from Meant To Be Happy. I love this man’s words of wisdom. His post on forgiveness is fantastic reading.

I thought I’d share this with you, because I think it is absolutely spot on. What you think really is what you become.

Which is why it is so important to check in with what we are thinking now and again to make sure that our minds are not leaving us mired in misery, bitterness and depression, especially when everything seems stacked against us and it is so difficult to value the gifts that we have.

I am going through a huge shift mentally, and I can feel these changes happening. I am facing up to the fact that I should be beyond grateful for everything I have been lucky enough to have in my life. I have had some massive lows and some massive highs in my lifetime – it really has been the cliché rollercoaster ride that people talk about.

I know that this ‘enlightenment’ is in great part due to the fact that I am suddenly pregnant. Trying for a baby has left me in limbo for such a long time that I feel somewhat like I’ve stepped out into the sunshine after being in a windowless room for too long. It’s so bright, I can feel the warmth on my skin, and I’m blinking rapidly – trying to see what’s there in front of me.

Why do we cry from happiness?

Because I have, several times.

I feel so emotional and overwhelmed by what is going on that sometimes I just cry because there are so many tears inside me that need to come out.

Randomly in the day, I hug my children close to me to feel their hair and their warm bodies and I know that I really am the luckiest person alive.

boys

When I feel a wave of nausea, I enjoy it. I absorb every sensation in my body and stomach and I know that if I feel sick until the day I give birth, it will be OK. I look at my emerging belly (which is probably just fat at this stage), and I don’t want to hide it. I don’t care about trying to look not-pregnant. Part of me wants people to guess.

I’ve started working on some tutorials, and updating my professional website… Life is suddenly there again, where for so long it has been a bleak void.

I have another scan booked tomorrow at 6:45pm.

I know that, given the baby measured small last week, there is a chance that growth has stopped or is severely lacking.

I just hope that if the worst happens, I am able to get through this and not slip back into the darkness.

12 thoughts on “The Thoughts You Entertain

  1. Your little guys are adorable 🙂 I’m happy you are happy and emerging from those dark places! It is a hard road to get past but you are one of the most proactive people I know and if anybody can overcome and shine at the end, it is you!

  2. Aww, your boys are adorable! They look like a handful, though! 🙂 I’m in such admiration of where you are emotionally and mentally right now. (also, on a side note, that is cool that you can book a scan in the evening! Wish we had that option)

    • Thank you! They are a handful, well spotted 😉 Yes, evening scans are sooo much easier – we’re lucky to have a great and not too expensive place just down the road.

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