The Long Road To Recovery

You know you need to sort things out when you take your children to a toddlers rugby class and notice that there is a balled-up pair of blood-stained knickers in your bag, next to the spare nappy, leftover from your recent trip to the hospital.

I mean, seriously. Do other mothers walk around in this state of disarray??

Anyway, I listened to a 20 minute guided meditation last night (by the end of yesterday, not only was I exhausted but I was starting to get shooting pains through my skull and my chest felt like it had a weight on it). I tried meditation quite a while back and I did find it very, very helpful in adjusting my mood and outlook.

I need peace from my own thoughts, and it’s a great, scientifically proven, way to do it.

So I’m going to try to meditate much more. Maybe even every day if possible.

And I’m just so inspired by Kino MacGregor:

View this post on Instagram

Some days practice feels light and easy. Today was not one of those days for me. I felt like my body was a sack of potatoes that I threw around my yoga mat. Yet @beachyogagirl reminded me yesterday that I promised her a video of the jump forward into Uttanasana from Downward Dog so here it is 😊What’s interesting to me is that so often the internal feeling is just that, a feeling that is personal, while the exterior looks pretty much the same. Do your practice every day, through the light and the heavy and cultivate a peaceful mind through it all. For this movement don’t jump too high or else you will bypass your shoulders and arch the back. Jump forward into the strength of your shoulders then use your core to round the back as you lower down. Bring your shoulders forward as you go in towards the landing. Don’t collapse, keep pushing up until the very last moment when you surrender your feet to the floor. Shorts by @c_ravel Fun printed yoga towel by @aertecomete

A post shared by Kino MacGregor (@kinoyoga) on

I have ordered her book about her journey into yoga, and a yoga DVD for beginners by <a title=”Tara Lee Yoga” href=”http://www.taraleeyoga.com/about-tara.php”>Tara Lee</a> (a respected UK teacher). I’ve never really understood yoga, but sometimes you need a change, and maybe this is exactly what I need. Well, running is out of the question since every time I so much as walk anywhere I get out of breath and start bleeding (I have a final scan booked for Friday to check what’s going on).

AND I have also treated myself to three gemstone bracelets.

One for love, one for healing and one for protection from negative energy.

Beads to everyone else, but a sort of talisman for me.

To remind me to move forward with grace.

The Long Road To Recovery

You know you need to sort things out when you take your children to a toddlers rugby class and notice that there is a balled-up pair of blood-stained knickers in your bag, next to the spare nappy, leftover from your recent trip to the hospital.

I mean, seriously. Do other mothers walk around in this state of disarray??

Anyway, I listened to a 20 minute guided meditation last night (by the end of yesterday, not only was I exhausted but I was starting to get shooting pains through my skull and my chest felt like it had a weight on it). I tried meditation quite a while back and I did find it very, very helpful in adjusting my mood and outlook.

I need peace from my own thoughts, and it’s a great, scientifically proven, way to do it.

So I’m going to try to meditate much more. Maybe even every day if possible.

And I’m just so inspired by Kino MacGregor:

View this post on Instagram

Some days practice feels light and easy. Today was not one of those days for me. I felt like my body was a sack of potatoes that I threw around my yoga mat. Yet @beachyogagirl reminded me yesterday that I promised her a video of the jump forward into Uttanasana from Downward Dog so here it is 😊What’s interesting to me is that so often the internal feeling is just that, a feeling that is personal, while the exterior looks pretty much the same. Do your practice every day, through the light and the heavy and cultivate a peaceful mind through it all. For this movement don’t jump too high or else you will bypass your shoulders and arch the back. Jump forward into the strength of your shoulders then use your core to round the back as you lower down. Bring your shoulders forward as you go in towards the landing. Don’t collapse, keep pushing up until the very last moment when you surrender your feet to the floor. Shorts by @c_ravel Fun printed yoga towel by @aertecomete

A post shared by Kino MacGregor (@kinoyoga) on

I have ordered her book about her journey into yoga, and a yoga DVD for beginners by Tara Lee (a respected UK teacher). I’ve never really understood yoga, but sometimes you need a change, and maybe this is exactly what I need. Well, running is out of the question since every time I so much as walk anywhere I get out of breath and start bleeding (I have a final scan booked for Friday to check what’s going on).

AND I have also treated myself to three gemstone bracelets.

One for love, one for healing and one for protection from negative energy.

Beads to everyone else, but a sort of talisman for me.

To remind me to move forward with grace.

Emotional Decluttering – A List of Things To Try

Well, I survived the weekend.

Just.

The one year anniversary of my miscarriage. The 2nd birthday of my beautiful boy. The socialising with family who drive me crazy, yet I still can’t help but love.

I am exhausted.

Seriously.

This has been the hardest week for me, mentally, in probably 10 years.

I feel as though I hit the bottom. I cried floods of tears. I yelled at my husband. I yelled at the kids. I sat with my head in my hands wondering how the hell to escape my own thoughts.

But now here we are. A new morning. A new start. All those milestones are gone now.

It’s time to start making myself happier.

Here are the things I have planned over the coming weeks and months, in no particular order:

  • Keep running (fitness and stress reduction)
  • See craniosacral therapist (let go of miscarriage)
  • Have stone massage therapy (stress reduction)
  • Daily meditation – at home and maybe join a course/class (stress reduction)
  • Reading list: The Power of Now, You Can Heal Your Life, The Emotionally Absent Mother (deal with emotional issues)
  • Try to be more mindful, spend time each day in the moment (stress reduction, emotional clutter)
  • Take turns with DH for 3-hour block of children-free time at weekends (stress reduction)
  • No alcohol (alcohol is a depressant)
  • Stop reading miscarriage/infertility forums (emotional clutter)
  • Stop mindless surfing online (emotional clutter)
  • Get hair cut short! (new start, no hiding behind my hair)
  • Cancel social engagements for next two months (stress reduction)
  • Record daily stress level (stress reduction: baseline and peak, each day, scale of 0-10)
  • Keep my house in order (calm clear environment)
  • Be a patient, happy mummy. Be present with my boys (happy boys = happy mummy)
  • Get the toilet, cupboard door, shelves and skirting board fixed upstairs (calm clear environment)
  • Take more time to look after myself and my appearance (care about my body)
  • Try not to spend all my time thinking about having a third baby (easier said than done)

Phew. I’ve already booked appointments here there and everywhere, and next week preschool starts again so I’ll have a little more free time – blogging and keeping up with the blogs I love has fallen by the wayside slightly over the summer.

I’ve been recording my stress levels for 6 days now and boy – I am WAY more uptight than I realised. I am literally in a state of permanent red-alert. Not sustainable and so bad for my body.

I did my first guided meditation last night and it immediately made me feel so much better. Just hoping I can fit everything in.

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