You know what the hardest thing about moving on from having another baby is?
It’s the fact that there are people out there who will be proved “right” and who will believe it’s “all for the best”.
These are the people who never understood why we would want another baby in the first place.
Those same people would have loved another baby if one had come along, which makes it even worse.
I have sold the cot, and the double buggy. I have even toyed with the idea of selling all the other baby items we have left in the loft.
I am, in all honesty, feeling ambivalent about the third baby thing.
Mostly, at the moment, I genuinely have no desire to try again. I really don’t mind how long it takes for my cycle to resume, for the bleeding to stop, or for this cyst to resolve, because I’m not on any kind of schedule any more. All of those things are handily preventing me from having to think about it. And that is a relief.
I think I’d kind of reached acceptance of the end of the journey before my last pregnancy, and this latest miscarriage has only strengthened that feeling.
But those doubters.
Those people who are secretly glad we failed. I hate the fact that they have been proven “right”. And these are people who are (supposedly) close to us. They aren’t people we can cut out of our lives.
I don’t know how to manage this part of the journey.
And part of me hates them for their thinking. For the fact they believe that what we have been through, all the losses and tears and broken dreams, are somehow “the right thing in the end”.
How can everything that has happened to us be “all for the best”? Anyone that believes that is surely not someone that cares for us or our dreams.