All Systems Go!

scan2
Apparently this looks completely normal, although I couldn’t even make out which end was the head without help.

The sonographer was so lovely last night. She talked me through everything and showed me as much as she could (at seven weeks).

The baby’s heart is beating away furiously (I have a little video!) and he* measures 7 weeks and 1 day (I was 7w2d yesterday).

Amazing – he is now 11.5mm, which is almost three times bigger than last week’s 4mm (assuming the trainee measured correctly).

He is GROWING! The heart is still beating!

It truly is a miracle.

My next appointment at the EPAU is in 3 weeks (I’ll be 10w2d).

In the meantime, I can’t get any more reassurance than I’ve already had. It’s time to face up to it and make the absolute most of this pregnancy.

Wow!

And I’m not kidding, I feel 10 years younger.

I can’t get over how well I feel.

I was so, so nauseous (for 10 long weeks with DS1 and 12 even longer weeks with DS2), it is amazing that I am feeling so well. No exhaustion, the odd wave of nausea, but nothing like the ALL-DAY-EVERY-DAY I’ve had before. Why is it different?? I didn’t think it was possible to be pregnant without feeling utterly repulsed by every single food in existence. Is there something in our diet that affects morning sickness? (I have read theories about magnesium deficiency). Are the huge quantities of fruits and veg that I eat now the reason I feel so well?

Last night I sat in front of the telly (a rare week night treat) and scoffed a plate of chopped up carrot, humous, melon, strawberry and banana and it tasted like the best food in the world.

Whatever. I just love how wonderful it is to be 7 weeks along and not be paralysed on the sofa because I feel too sick to move. Having little ones to look after, I was worried about surviving the first trimester. I had plans to not feel guilty about too much telly and too much soft play.

Ha! At this rate I’ll have more energy than the husband, ha ha ha! Long may it last 🙂

*For convenience I’m going to use the pronoun ‘he’ because it’s less clumsy than s/he, she or he, or it.

Place Your Bets Now

I did a pregnancy test today. Why? Because my temperature dropped a little this morning. Why did I take my temperature? Because I’ve gone back to temping since I had spotting.

And?

My test line was lighter. At 29dpo it was lighter than at 24dpo.

Logic says that lighter test = less HCG in sample.

However, googling for this turns up lots of threads about lighter tests in early pregnancy and the so-called hook affect where a higher level of HCG actually results in a fainter line.

Apparently, you can test this theory yourself by dipping two tests, one in 100% urine and one in 50% urine, 50% water.

Being scientifically minded, this is exactly what I did next.

And?

Both lines were about the same and they were all lighter than my line 5 days ago.

So much for the hook affect.

So, as I count down the hours until the ultrasound reveals all, I am weighing up the signs that tomorrow will go well, against the signs that tomorrow will go badly.

Positives:

I have some degree of nausea.
My belly is definitely bigger.
My boobs are sore, every day.
I’ve had no cramping.
Implantation occured during the best window for chances of success.
I’ve carried two successful pregnancies to term.
My early tests showed excellent progression of line colour.
I’ve had no dark brown spotting (unlike my miscarriages).

Negatives:

I am 39.
I am nowhere near as tired as I was with DS1 and DS2 at this stage.
I’ve had increasing amounts of lower backache – more miscarriage than pregnancy in my experience.
I’ve had three days with some red spotting.
My uterus feels sore and swollen.
I’ve lost 6 pregnancies previously.
My temperature was down this morning.
My pregnancy tests are now showing a lighter line.

What is my gut feeling?

I really don’t know anymore.

It has been, pretty consistently, a good feeling.

But tonight I’m not so sure.

When I had my scan at 11.5 weeks that showed my missed miscarriage, I honestly believed everything was ok until the actual words of apology came out of the consultant’s mouth.

I am a hopeless optimist. When things go wrong I am never prepared for the emotional impact of the blow.

I know that I will be sat on the hospital bench tomorrow and 99% of me will be expecting a heartbeat and a baby that sizes correctly for my dates.

Yet I could be barrelling toward a sudden and bloody miscarriage with no idea that it is about to happen.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s the end of my self-analysis. It is a relief that tomorrow I will be dealing with facts and numbers, and not feelings and estimates.

It’s been a long 3 weeks – and probably not just for me, eh?

Thank you for all your words of encouragement and support.

Day 42 – 6w0d

Well, six weeks is a big milestone.

However I’ve had a small amount of spotting again this morning after two days of nothing.

Two long days to go until my scan. Jeez, how I am gonna feel if they tell me the pregnancy is not viable?

How am I gonna feel if they tell me it is?

Luckily the next two days have things to do and activities for the boys so they won’t drag on like today. Monday’s tend to be mostly pyjama days, maybe punctuated by a grocery run.

Eugh.

I cannot believe I am 6 weeks today. It just doesn’t seem even vaguely like reality.

My nausea is very intermittent. I’m tired in the evenings but not exhausted.

In actual fact, I don’t think I can even associate pregnancy with myself right now. It all seems to be dependent on confirming there is something in there. If I see a heart beating, maybe I’ll be able to believe it.

Otherwise I am feeling distinctly emotional, which I am guessing is down to hormones.

I’m doing my absolute best to ignore it all as much as I can, but it’s not easy!

T Minus Seven Days

The Early Pregnancy Unit called this morning. Bless them, they tried my work mumber, and my old mobile number before finally trying my home landline. Things change, eh.

Anyway, they are scanning me at 6 weeks 2 days, which is pretty damn efficient for the NHS.

I go in next Wednesday afternoon. That is, of course, assuming my uterus hasn’t instigated a mass evacuation of its contents in the meantime.

Stay safe in there little fella.

PS My doctors reaction last night was one of barely concealed surprise and disbelief. I remember him saying to me when he gave me the pill that it wouldn’t matter even if I forgot to take them. In all honesty he didn’t look too hopeful for a positive outcome, although he managed a sudden bright smile and said “Well, that’s delightful, yes!” as I was leaving the room. I’m guessing he doesn’t get to see too many 39 year old pregnant ladies. Gawd, when did i get so OLD??

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