5k Debrief

5k debrief

I did it in 33:22, which I am…

satisfied with 😉

I can’t say I didn’t give it my all because I did. When I crossed the finish line I couldn’t even think straight, let alone speak.

Running on grass and mud is MUCH harder than running on pavement. For the majority of the course, my view looked like this:

5k trail run

And the photo above doesn’t even begin to convey the hilly terrain.

But my training route is almost 100% flat and looks like this:

moon

Not quite the same, eh?

It was brilliant fun, and the boys entered the mini-run after the main event, so we all had a really lovely morning.

The weather was mild and dry, and overall, it was great.

So great, in fact, that I’ve signed up for a road-race 5k in 5 weeks time (new goal, hurrah!), to try and bring my time down. And this time it won’t be 3 days before my period is due, heh heh.

Mwah ha ha ha hah!

PS
I ran with a heavy heart. Pre-AF spotting showed up 30 minutes before I started the run. After running 5k through Jurassic Park though, it didn’t seem quite so terrible, and I even managed to hold it together while standing next to a massively pregnant woman in the bacon roll queue. Go me.

Pre-race Nerves or I’m Getting Man Flu

DH has been ill this week – he spent one and a half days in bed and on the first evening he didn’t even eat any dinner (that never happens).

I thought I had escaped… but I’ve had an increasingly bad headache today and am starting to get faint hot and cold spells. I feel really tired and the boys have been so LOUD.

BUT I am also feeling a bit nervous about my 5k tomorrow and I am prone to psychological symptoms…

I know there are 87 runners. Are 86 other people going to beat me? What if I get a weird injury in the first 5 minutes? What if it’s freezing cold and raining? What if everyone else is a super-athlete and laughs at me?

Of course, I know that this is totally ridiculous and I have run enough 5ks in my time to be totally confident that no one is going to laugh at me.

Ahhh well. Crazy huh?

I’ve had my big spinach, chicken and rice dinner, resisted red wine and a kitkat chunky, and think it might be time for some mindless television to round off the evening and take my mind off of running.

I will post-race post tomorrow.

Night all 😉

C25K Week 6 Day 2 – Next Up, 5k!

I’ve really slacked off this last week and haven’t run for 6 days.

I went out today, after a morning on a bouncy castle with DS1, and it was hard work! I think I bounced away my energy before my run.

It was only two sets of 10mins with a walk break, but it was also very windy, damp and it’s getting colder now. Leaves are swirling down off the trees and it feels like winter is on a fast train heading right this way.

The first 10mins was just a mental exercise in running while my body said:

Stop! You’re out of breath!

But in the second 10mins I got a terrible stitch and was down to a hobble. I ran through it for the first time ever (I don’t get a stitch often so I usually stop to ease the pain). After about 3 minutes it very suddenly subsided – such relief. I managed to increase my pace after that and overall did a decent run.

I am not really optimally ready for Sunday’s 5k, and it’s a trail run, not on the pavement, which will make a massive difference. However, I feel strong and fit enough that I think I will wobble over the finish line somewhere just under 35 minutes, if all goes well.

The other thing I don’t have going for me is that my period is due 3 days after the run and I am already feeling quite heavy and bloated this month. I always notice an increase in my pace and energy once the first couple of days of bleeding are out of the way, so I’ll just have to lug all that extra water and blood around with me on Sunday and smile for the love of being a woman. Great timing, huh?

C25K Week 5 – Complete!

I did it!

I ran for 20 minutes!

I was dreading it, actually. And last night I was up half a dozen times in the night (thanks DS2), and I’d agreed to do breakfast for the boys this morning to give DH a lie-in as he’s on holiday from work this week. Guess what time they were up? 6am.

I was running uphill and into the wind at the beginning and after the first couple of minutes I just thought I was gonna have to give up and go home.

But I slowed my pace right down, just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and then… at about 8/9 minutes, it kicked in. That tingly feeling I get that creeps down my arms, the one that tells me my body has properly warmed up and I no longer have to stop from sheer startup exhaustion.

Suddenly everything looked brighter, leaves fell from the trees in slow motion, the music was perfectly timed with my steps and I felt strong.

The last few minutes were hard work – and I couldn’t up the pace at the end as much as I have been doing, but all in all it was a success and I am:

a) totally chuffed, because I haven’t run for 20 minutes since before DS2 was born, and,
b) totally knackered now and almost falling asleep on my laptop.

13 days until my 5k.

An Everything Update

I usually like to keep my posts relevant to one or two themes, but I have seriously fallen behind on news, so thought I would pop my head up with a general update on how everything is going and let everyone know I haven’t had some kind of mental breakdown 😉

Phew – it’s been busy. Thankfully preschool has at last opened again so I get a little bit more time to myself starting this week. On Tuesday morning I was here alone in the house and it was like I’d booked myself into a spa – oh such peace and tranquility!

So without further ado, here’s where I’m at:

Running

I am still working through the couch to 5k plan. I’ve slowed right down on my runs – I find that I just can’t train every other day as it’s too tiring for my body. I am running every 2-3 days now, which means I’m not keeping up with the “weeks” in the plan, but I’m completing every training run and am currently due to run Week 5 Day 2. I am still loving it, and can really feel my fitness has increased at this point. Just 17 days left until my 5k!

Emotional Declutter

I’ve done lots and lots here and I definitely feel like it is making a difference – to my stress levels at least. From my previous list I have done the following:

  • Cut my hair short (love it, going shorter next time!)
  • Been meditating on evenings where I have time (4 longer sessions so far)
  • Read half of The Power of Now. I’m still on the fence about this book. I like the concepts, but the writing itself can be a bit awkward.
  • Kept on running 🙂
  • Had stone massage therapy. I wasn’t sure about this. It was relaxing at the time, but I had sore muscles afterwards for a few days. Apparently this is normal in massage, but I’m not sure I like that part of it! I’m not going back for more.
  • I’ve been trying to be more mindful, but this is really tough for me. I’ve downloaded a Sudoku game onto my iPhone and every time I start thinking about things that make me unhappy or stressed I’m playing a sudoku instead. It’s quite a simple tactic, but diverts my thinking 🙂
  • DH and I did our first kid-free-block at the weekend (one of us babysits while the other goes out and does whatever they want for 3 hours). It was amazing. We have no one on hand who can watch our boys, so we almost never get time out from being a parent. I went shopping, browsed a bookshop and sat and had a coffee – it was just lovely. We’re planning the same again this weekend.
  • Cancelled all my social engagements. What a wonderful, freeing, relaxing feeling! I had a couple of things coming up I was dreading and suddenly they are just all gone! Friends have been really understanding when I explained I was feeling really down.
  • Been a (slightly) more patient and happy mum. This is hard – my two boys are a whirlwind for 13 hours a day. However, I’ve tried to control my own reactions to things and to take more deep breaths. I feel far from perfect, but DS1 has been happier and more affectionate, so I think what little I have done has had a positive effect.

Things I have been less successful at: I’m still reading miscarriage/TTC forums, mindlessly surfing the web now and again, having the odd glass of wine and thinking about having a third baby (but see below).

I haven’t tackled any of my “emotional baggage” yet. I’m working up to that once I’m feeling like I’m consistently happier.

Finally I’ve been recording my stress levels each day – just assigning a number for how I think the day has gone, and it has definitely come down. It’s really nice to see that pattern and know that what I am doing is working.

Baby Number 3

Ah, the big one. Probably the biggest reason for everything – this blog, my tears and sadness and frustration. I’m currently half way through the first two weeks of my cycle, so this is my best time mentally – there’s all the potential of ovulation on the horizon and none of the worry about not being pregnant.

My friend had her baby last week and I visited them yesterday. I have to say I was really dreading it – I was worried it was going to leave me tearful and depressed. However, it was fine. In actual fact, the passing of the one year anniversary of my miscarriage has kind of given me a clear path ahead. There are no longer any dates I’m dreading. I think a part of me is actually moving towards acceptance that I may never have another baby. And surprisingly, that thought doesn’t fill me with such anguish. Sadness and grief, oh yes. But the torturous pain and loss I have been experiencing has faded into something more manageable. And if I’m truly, truly honest, there’s a part of me that feels a sense of relief that I don’t have to go through pregnancy, birth and the newborn exhaustion. My boys are growing so fast now, the baby-era is moving further and further into the past. I always knew I wanted my (three) children very close together, so as time passes, it moves me on from that yearning.

What am I going to do with this blog? I don’t know. I haven’t felt drawn to write on here for the last couple of weeks. Deciding what to do with it is going to be part of moving on, but I can’t make any decisions like that right now, so we’ll just carry on until I can.

I’m tentatively thinking that at some point soon, we need to not try. That’s the only way to stop the madness and I know it’s a massive massive decision after almost 17 months, but I can’t go down the “not trying not preventing” route. And I don’t want a surprise baby when my boys are older. It’s always been now or never. And so far there has been no “now” 🙁

Anyway, before I get too maudlin, I have one more piece of news:

A Book!

At the beginning of this week I sat myself down and realised I needed something else to focus on if I was going to move on from TTC. I needed more life for me instead of all of my life being centred around my children. Two children is a handful, but it’s not enough. If there is going to be no third baby, then I need something else to feel like I’m am really making the absolute most of my life and my time.

So I sat down and contacted a publisher with a book idea I’ve had knocking around for a while. It’s a technical text, so it combines writing with my technical skills and the ability to work from home.

To my astonishment, they replied back within two days and said they want to see a full proposal! A book outline and sample chapter from the middle of the book.

I was in total shock when they responded, and for the last two days have been reading, reading, reading, and mentally planning the proposal that I’m going to send back to them.

If they like it, and sign me on, this opportunity would be my absolute dream job. I have always wanted to write, ever since I was small. I don’t even care if no one buys it (although I’m sure the publisher would), just the fact that in my life I would have written and published a text would mean so much to me. Eeeee!!!

Anyway, because of that, I may be posting a little less frequently, at least until they reject my proposal, at which point I will be back in full force 😉

I’ll keep you all updated.

I am not a hugely spiritual person, but I feel almost as though something, somehow is sending this opportunity my way to balance out the year I’ve had. That the act of reaching out and trying to make something good happen for myself was answered because, actually, I really needed it.

I really needed something to help me move on and remind me that even when it looks as though you have reached a dead end, there are always other paths out there. You just have to find them.

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