T Minus 5 Days

Sounds more exciting than 9dpo, right?

Well, I caved. I tested. I thought: What the hell, it’s my last cycle, I’m gonna do whatever the hell I like, and if I want to POAS then I will.

Besides, my boobs are like two watermelons on my chest and I’ve got 3 spots on my chin.

So I did. With an extra-sensitive 12.5miu test.

It was, of course, a snowy white BFN 🙄

BUT nevermind.

Because I’ve also made a list of things, of goals, of plans, that I will formalise at the end of this cycle. And you know what?

I’m actually a tiny bit excited about it.

About moving on.

About doing new things.

About not doing the baby thing, which I’ve been doing for almost four years non stop, including 18 month of fantasising about doing even more of the baby thing.

About getting all the baby stuff out of our house and standing up and grabbing the future and making it exciting again.

I have seen women almost destroyed by secondary infertility along this journey. I have read some heart-breaking stories and watched people, like myself, cry month after month after month.

It is a cruel thing.

T minus 5 days.

5 thoughts on “T Minus 5 Days

  1. I’m so glad you are finding excitement in looking ahead to your future. And I definitely get it. I’ve been doing the “baby thing” basically for 7 years now and there is a level of excitement (and trepidation) about getting to the point of NOT doing it. You inspire me! For me, I think the final frontier will be the purging of the baby stuff from the house. Keep me/us posted on that part of your journey!

  2. I’m excited to hear about all of the things you have planned! I imagine your mind will feel good to be free of this stress you’ve been carrying. It will probably take some regular self-talk and deep breathing to get your mind out of the habit of focusing on it. Lots of love and good luck to you. xo

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