It is a YEAR TODAY since DH and I had The Discussion about trying for number 3.
A whole year. One miscarriage at 13.5 weeks, two chemical pregnancies and no baby.
I almost dare not hope, but of course I am hoping and hoping with all my might.
In previous pregnancies (not all of them) I’ve had implantation spotting and it’s very distinctive – pale pink and watery.
And there it was this morning, on my first visit to the loo.
And there is a big but.
Today is the actual day AF would have been due IF my cycle hadn’t been pushed out by the ground flaxseed.
Which makes me wonder – could this be some kind of hormonal breakthrough bleeding, just because I’m on CD29?
My temp this morning was still high, so AF isn’t about to arrive.
My test this morning was a BFN (which it would be if implantation had only just happened).
So all I can do is wait.
It’s really odd though because I was so certain I was out this month.
Even before implantation (I know, I know, this is apparently all in my head), I have felt different on the months I’ve conceived. I’ve always known that there would be a BFP when I tested.
But this month, after the backache went away, I felt 100% not pregnant. And tearful of course.
100% certain I was waiting for AF.
My backache has faintly returned this morning, and (TMI ALERT) my cm turned creamy again yesterday after being non-existent for two days.
So I hope and hope.
And I hope that I’m not going to be too devastated if this turns out to be one more weird thing this cycle that means nothing.