It’s finally sunk in that we might actually be accommodating a baby before the end of the year.

Here is the room that three years ago had a cot in it and was pretty much ready to be a nursery:

room1 room2

After the first miscarriage in 2012, I dismantled the cot because it was too upsetting to see it there all the time. Then we slowly started using the room for other things. We still have the changing table in there (until recently we were using this for my youngest), but over the last three years it has morphed into an office, and it’s where I do all my writing/blogging/admin/work.

We live in a three bedroom house. The boys share a large room, we have a room, and this is the third bedroom. Downstairs we have an open-plan lounge/diner, a small kitchen, and a small conservatory.

I have no idea:

a) where all this stuff actually came from, and

b) where all this stuff is going to go.

What I do know is that I am feeling really agitated by it all. Not just the stuff in the office, but but by the stuff in the whole of the rest of the house too. We live in 840sq/ft, which is not abnormal by UK standards, but for four of us it feels pretty small.

I can already feel the sense of panic and overwhelm that living with all this stuff is going to cause me when the baby arrives. I’ve joked to my husband that I’m just going to throw everything away before November, but actually, it’s not really that much of a joke. I hate clutter.

This week I’ve made a small start in clearing out the spare room. A small start. I’ve unpacked a box of baby things (mostly baby shoes and washable nappies we saved), and I’ve listed some things for sale on eBay. But it’s going to take a much bigger and more radical effort than that to make space in our relatively tiny house for another human being.

Clearing out is always an emotional process, as it involves dealing with the physical evidence of your past. For once I don’t mean the history of miscarriage and loss, but instead the history of my life. Projects uncompleted, unwanted gifts, sentimental items, things I bought but never used…

After a pretty heavy year of downsizing a few years back, I have been happily letting things sit stagnant. It’s always tiring sorting things out, although the reward of empty space is worth it.

My motivation could be better. I’m tired out after our journey to get here and after three years of trying for a baby the last thing I want to do is take on my life and sort it all out. But it needs doing. So wish me luck as I take a deep breath and delve into my minimalist journey once again.

Now, where’s the number for that skip-hire company?

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