positive hcg

My period is due today.

My morning temperature was a nice, warm 98.5.

My pregnancy test this morning had a lovely dark line.

Not even the faintest hint of spotting (and I check carefully EVERY time I visit the bathroom).

I can use the ‘P’ word for the first time.

I’m pregnant!!

I still can’t really believe it.

As you can imagine, I’ve been comparing each morning’s test practically under a microscope to determine whether or not I think my HCG levels are rising appropriately (I think they are).

Tomorrow I will call the doctor and make an appointment to see him at 5 weeks. My notes say I should go in for an early scan for any subsequent pregnancies, so at around 6 weeks I’ll be hoping for that enormous milestone – a heartbeat.

And I’ve tried so hard, so hard not to get excited, not to think about what the future might hold, but I can’t help it! I can’t!

It feels like life is moving again, like cogs are turning and engines are grinding into life, and the train is slowly inching out of the station into the morning sun and heading off on a journey I’ve wanted to make for so long yet haven’t been able to.

The absolute limbo I have felt I have been in for over two years (months of deciding if I had the courage and strength to go through another birth and 22 months of actually trying to get to one), is suddenly melting away. I have SO MUCH I WANT TO DO.

There is a loft bursting with baby stuff, there is a spare room left un-purposed since I dismantled and removed the cot after my miscarriage in 2012, there are cupboards to sort out and there is space to find. There is healthy eating to be done and exercise plans to be made, weight charts to be started and indulgent shopping to be commenced. There are cobwebs to be brushed away, wounds to be healed, and life waiting to burst forth.

I feel so motivated, so determined, so unbelievably READY to do this that all I can do is surrender to the feeling and ask that the universe doesn’t take this away from me.

Not this time – please.

20 thoughts on “Pregnant!”

  1. Congratulations Rose!! This is so amazing and I’m so happy you never gave up! Enjoy today relishing in this POSITIVE news!! Take care of yourself on the journey and I can’t wait for 6 wks to hear all about your appointment. xo

  2. Oh Rose….I am so happy for you! Wish I could give you a giant hug! Stay positive and light and all your friends here will send more love and light your way. Looking forward to reading about the 6 wk appt and heart beat!

  3. OH I am just so excited for you! This is just the best news! I cannot tell you how happy I am that your journey is going this way! Hugs and prayers for only the best things- health for you and your new baby!! HUGS!! SMILES!! CHEERS!!!

  4. Rose, I am so so so so HAPPY for you. You are the first pregnancy I’ve heard of recently where I haven’t felt even the wee bit jealous so please don’t worry about that. Having followed almost a year of this journey with you I am nothing but pleased. It is well and truly your turn beautiful. Xxxx

  5. Congratulations, thanks for sharing your joy. Your posts really grab me, making me cheer and sag with emotion, all depending on what you share. You are so very good at emotionally connecting with your readers. I really enjoy reading your blog and have nominated you for a Liebster Award. Iโ€™m not certain if you accept awards, if not, please enjoy the compliment. If you do enjoy them, please follow the link to my post. Youโ€™ll be asked to nominate your favorite blogs/bloggers, answer my ten questions and then pass along ten of your own. Hereโ€™s my page:

    • Eeee! Thank you! I am very bad at doing awards, will pop this on my list – I am so flattered that you enjoy reading about my ups and downs!! I often wonder if I’m writing endless mundane stuff so hearing that someone out there likes it is a great compliment.

  6. Congratulations! I am thrilled for you. It only seems like yesterday that you’d decide to “give up”, go on the pill, come off it etc etc and LOOK!!! Wow!! What a result.
    I am so happy for you.
    Sending you a huge hug and going to celebrate with wine right this minute! ๐Ÿ˜€

  7. Hip Hip Hurrah!! I am ecstatic! Congrats, congrats, congrats!! Doubly excited that we will be pregnant together!! There, I said it – I’ve been holding that back for a week now! Big hugs!!

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