On Getting Older

Mum
My Mum in Her Late Teens

I’m 38 you know.

And it seems so very old to me.

I had DS1 at 34 and DS2 at 36 (the plan was for no.3 to be here by now, but I’ll be at least 39 for the next one).

Now, for the first time in my life I FEEL my age, quite a lot of the time.

Because:

  • Having two children in 3 years takes a LOT of your energy, patience, sleep, nutrients and willpower. More than you ever imagine it could do. I look in the mirror now and I have aged more than 3 years in that time.
  • Bad lifestyles catch up with you eventually. Eating less than optimal food, not exercising enough, sitting on your backside in an office job, drinking too much, eating too much sugar, getting through the day with caffeine… All these things are water under the bridge in your twenties, but by the time you get to your 30s, your body starts to slow down. It can’t take the abuse any more. Toxic overload means you start to age, deteriorate, disintegrate!

And the combination of children and bad lifestyle just accelerates the process. You’re running on empty all the time. You’re demanding more of your body than it can give, so your body starts to look worse for wear, wrinkles appear around your eyes, your skin starts to sag, your tummy never looks the same, your joints start to ache with all the physical effort of caring for small people.

Basically your body is trying to tell you that you need to look after it a whole lot better.

And.

On the horizon.

The word I never thought would be part of my vocabulary.

Menopause.

I spoke to my mum yesterday and asked her when her menopause started, when she first noticed her cycles getting out of whack.

Do you know what she said?

44.

44!!!!

That’s 5.5 years away from where I am now.

That’s a little earlier than I expected. Mum has smoked all her life, which brings menopause on sooner, but even so. Women tend to follow the pattern of their mothers so now I am terrified that the end of my fertility is on the horizon!

I am terrified of being old, and gray, and barren, and used up.

My hair is going grey – have I mentioned that?

And when I see college students walking around, girls in their late teens who look so fresh and young and perfect, I realize that yes, I am old. I am aging.

And I’m still trying to have a baby.

It’s absolutely crazy isn’t it?

And then I realize how desperately important it is to eat lots of raw food, to rid my diet and my home of chemicals, to nourish my body, to honour this gift that carries me around every day and that has borne two beautiful children.

I know I can’t turn the clock back, but I think it is within my power (and everyone’s power) to slow that clock right down.

That’s what I need to do.

Because I don’t want to feel so old any more.

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