Obsessing

I know I’m obsessing, because I find myself randomly googling for things like “late first trimester miscarriage” and “natural pregnancy at 39”.

Things are obviously on my mind.

I found a statistic today, from the Miscarriage Association:

A heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that goes up to 99.4%.

I had a heartbeat at 10 weeks 4 days.

So, I was in the 0.6% (last time).

Fucking statistics.

I think this is all playing on my mind because other people seem to be having babies and (the thing I dread the most) announcing pregnancies everywhere at the moment. Actually, who am I kidding? It’s been like this since we started trying back in 2012.

Eugh. I really just want to get away from myself when I’m like this.

Over-thinking everything. Over-analysing.

I’ve always been too much of a thinker.

I wish I had womb-cam so I could see what was going on in there.

I thought about joining a group in the two week wait on Fertility Friend, but then they’ll probably all get BFPs and send me into a spiral of self-pity. I’ve stayed well away from the forums there for the best part of this year.

I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, other than because it makes me feel like I’m somehow doing something about waiting to see if I’m pregnant.

I might just go and do a pregnancy test, out of sheer mindless boredom and stupidity. Then I’ll have a nice negative baseline ready for next week. Ha ha ha.

I really need to get out more.

3 thoughts on “Obsessing”

    • Meditation – good idea. I’ve dropped off from doing it regularly. Will listen to one this evening and CALM my crazy brain down!! Thank you xxx

  1. Statistics suck and I don’t feel like they truly “fit in”. I am in that i think its 2% of woman who have recurrent miscarriages. I am always a super thinking too; and it does us NO good! Ever…

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