My uncle died suddenly at the end of the school holidays. I get very maudlin and depressed when someone passes on – it was the same with both of my grandmothers. For weeks I was just miserable and all I could think was that we are all going to die and someday it will be my turn and maybe that day is coming soon. Time eases it, thankfully.
My oldest son went up to a new school so the start of the school year brought heaps of form-filling, new school run routes and buses, new clubs, homework and routines.
Work started back up almost immediately and I booked in three new projects to take me up to Christmas.
I ran the Great South Run (10 miles), for the first time in 7 years. I did it in 1hr45, so I was pretty damn pleased with that ?.
Thankfully, in some sort of miracle, unprompted transition (we didn’t do anything different), baby F has pretty much started to sleep through, because without that I’m not sure I would have coped (just don’t mention daytime naps because that is a world of pain and overtired toddlering).
Taking better care
As you can imagine, self-care went somewhat out of the window in the midst of all the emotion and busy-ness. I was back to drinking wine every evening to take the edge off the day and eating sugary food all the time as comfort.
In the second week of September I decided I’d really just had enough of the wine (it’s only taken 26 years). The number one reason was that although baby F often woke only once and sometimes not at all, I was still waking every couple of hours. I knew it was drinking wine before bed every evening that was the issue. I wasn’t drinking enough to knock me out for the night, but my innocent habit of a glass or two was ruining my sleep.
It’s been seven weeks since I had any and it has been eye-opening how much I craved it in the first month. It had become a method of dealing with stress, which I know is a destructive path.
Quite how much I wanted to drink at the end of some of the days I had both scared me and made me sad that I had decided to give it up!
Unfortunately, the wine in the evening has been replaced with chocolate in the day. Despite still running regularly my weight has slowly crept up to what it was a year ago. I constantly crave sugary food – especially when stressed.
I don’t enjoy the relationship I have with food so much these days. I used to be a functional eater and I just didn’t eat unless I was hungry. Now it’s got a lot less to do with how hungry I am and a lot more to do with how nice it tastes.
Which brings me nicely to where I am now. I’m going to be working with a nutritional therapist over a 12 week period. I had been thinking of booking her for a long time, but I needed to be ready.
Now I am. Really I am. I feel old and podgy and tired and listless.
I really love reading about people doing this sort of thing, but I have so little time to blog. Instead I’m going to try something WAY out of my comfort zone and vlog it.
I am an introvert who far prefers writing to talking, but video is so speedy. Even editing out all the “er”s on my phone only took ten minutes. But not only that – you can’t beat video for showing how things change. I’d like to hope that I will get to see some changes, so it’s mainly for a personal record of the changes (if any?!), I experience. I’d love to be able to look back in 3 months time and see real, visual results.
You can see my first video here: