Can you guess? My temperature went way back down again this morning. It’s running like a roller coaster at the moment, and I’m actually getting a bit tired of thinking we’re in the two week wait when we’re not.
I did a pregnancy test this morning, to see if it was completely blank yet (the last one a few days back was a ghost line), and I got this:
There is still a faint line there. Which probably explains why my body is going so crazy with it’s temps up and down and opks positive one day and then negative and then positive again.
There must be a tiny fragment of tissue hanging on in there that is still pumping out small amounts of hcg. That would explain the weird hormonal symptoms. And I guess my body is trying to normalise itself (hence the attempts at ovulating), but can’t seem to steady everything with the hcg lurking.
So, in the light of that (and the fact that we might not get a try this cycle), I opened up the letter from the fertility clinic which has been sat on the table for a week.
My appointment is in 11 days.
I have to fill out a form, with questions like How many times have you been pregnant?
I feel exhausted even thinking about gathering all the data together. I did a bit of reading on the whole IVF process, which freaked me right out because (as those of you that know me well will know), I am pro-the natural way and heavily anti-drug of any kind.
So then I felt all despairing about having to go to a clinic and have people fiddle around with me and give me god knows what drugs to make my poor ovaries do god knows what and god knows I can’t even bring myself to think about my own eggs being fertilised outside my body…
But the bottom line is, I want this baby so much, so much it is like a pain in my chest that never goes away, and in three months it’ll be three years of trying without getting anywhere, so it’s looking like IVF might be the only way to get there before my ovaries finally switch off and go silent after all those years of faithfully cycling eggs.
I really struggle with control and the reason I’ve found these last few days so hard is because I have no idea what is going on. I don’t like that!
I’ll probably blog less when I’m obsessing over my ovaries less. Then you’ll all breathe a sigh of relief and think thank god she’s finally gone quiet 😉