I went to bed late last night, to make sure I was tired enough to sleep – I didn’t want to lay in bed thinking about my midwife appointment. I dropped off pretty quickly at about 11pm, but woke up at 5am and my brain started buzzing with everything all over again, so I’m feeling really tired.
I have also been suffering terrible anxiety since yesterday’s appointment, constantly convinced that the baby has died. I’ve checked the heartbeat briefly three times on the doppler and am paranoid that it’s slowed down… I’ve just been in an awful state this morning. I started going over the miscarriages I’ve had, feeling tearful and upset and distressed and freaking out that I’m going to have to have a funeral for this baby and no one will take it seriously because it’s only seventeen weeks… oh, I have had such awful thoughts.
So, eventually I put my logical hat on and decided to call the midwife team and just request someone else. Simple.
So I did.
I was so nervous about it and thought they were going to ask me to explain everything and justify why on earth Vanessa was so awful and I imagined that they would all be best buddies and I would be the ‘bad guy’, but I just explained that I would like to know if it was possible to change midwife and literally as soon as I said I had booked in with Vanessa yesterday, the head of midwives said, “Ah. Okay. How about me? You can see me if you’d like to?”
She didn’t even sound remotely surprised – in fact, I might be imagining it, but I think I detected a note of resignation in her voice when I told her it was Vanessa I didn’t want to see, as though it wasn’t a surprise to her.
Anyway, she was lovely, said she’ll cancel my appointment with Vanessa on my behalf, and will see me on the 24th July at the hospital, and said she was looking forward to meeting me.
She gave me her holiday dates and said text her if I have any problems. And that was that.
I WAS SO RELIEVED when I got off the phone.
And as if to confirm I made the right choice, my mobile rang 10 minutes later:
The hospital called me because they received an empty blood envelope, with no blood in, for downs screening and they were concerned that my blood vial had gone missing. Well – yesterday Vanessa took my blood and she had three envelopes, two of which we used. The third was the downs screening envelope which we didn’t need because I had the harmony test done. Instead of disposing of it, she sent it to the hospital with the others, empty. So the lab were in a panic because they thought my blood had fallen out.
I feel so, so much better. What a nightmare!