My Really Big Belly

I have always suffered from an overactive imagination, and my behaviour this evening is a good example of it. This is what happens to you when you are left on your own in a foreign country with no one to talk to because everyone you know is 5,000 miles away and asleep.

I got back to the hotel today, said goodnight to my work colleague and decided to get my backside over to the gym. I got changed into my gym kit, drank two glasses of water (I’d had two slices of pizza 45 minutes prior to that), and felt a bit bloated. I looked in the mirror and then… Imagination started.

Before I continue, a bit of background. Steve and I have been going to the gym now for over 5 weeks. In that time we have been probably 6 times every week without fail, alternating easy and more moderate workouts. It’s been great, and we are feeling much better for it, and noticing how much more we can do at the gym before we get too tired. On the other hand, despite all this exercise, neither of us seems to have lost even the tiniest bit of weight.

I really only want to lose a bit off my belly. You see, it sticks out such a lot, and on a small person like me, it makes me look rather indelicate. Pregnant actually. Two weeks ago, I re-measured myself to see what had happened on the waistline front, and it turned out that although my waist itself was a whole inch smaller, my belly had actually increased by one and a half inches. You can imagine how shocked I was, after all that exercise, to have actually got bigger.

Could I actually be pregnant, I wondered? I hadn’t missed a period, we’d had no “accidents” of any kind, and I had no reason in the world to think I might be.

Apart from my gradually expanding stomach.

I put it down to the fact that my period was due, bought some Actimel bacteria-laden yoghurt drinks and forgot about it.

Until today.

Today I looked in the mirror, and just so you don’t think I am completely insane (and to give you all something to laugh at, because I am certain that this really isn’t normal), here’s a picture of what I saw. I swear I am not sticking it out deliberately, that’s really how it looks.

(photo lost in transit)

Can you see how enormous it is?! I could not believe my eyes. It seriously just couldn’t be that big of it’s own accord. So I went to the gym (half hour on the cross-trainer), and then came back, had a shower, and… (now, I know this is crazy, but I did it anyway), and drove to the nearest chemist to get a pregnancy test kit.

The shame of it.

Now what do you think happened? Of course I’m not pregnant.

No. The bare truth is, and now I just have to accept it, I have a fat stomach. My abdominal muscles are too lazy to hold my stomach in when I eat. And what you can see in the picture is in fact a large amount of water and a few slices of vegetarian pizza*. Isn’t that terrible? Something really has to be done about it.

*I was diagnosed coeliac 8 years after writing this. Gluten always made my stomach expand.

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