Just… Bleurgh

That’s how I feel at the moment. Mentally, I’m fine. No problems, pretty content, feel pretty good about where I’m going and what I’m doing (even if it’s all a bit vague right now).

Physically?

Bleurgh. I have horrible nausea this morning. I’m guessing this is a drop off in hormone levels after ovulation or something, but I think my hormones are just in total free fall this month for some reason. I’ve been very tired the last couple of weeks and I know my diet has been rubbish compared to what I usually try to eat.

Sigh.

What you eat is so important, and I know this, but I’m just struggling at the moment.

You know what it is?

I think it’s the fact that I am just waiting around for the end of TTC  to pass. 6 weeks it should be, given that I just ovulated. Last night’s ’emergency’ BD (since I ovulated so early, we thought we had plenty of time) was a bit forced and I don’t think either of us really enjoyed it that much. Meh. I almost said let’s not bother!

Once I know I’m done, I think I’m going to be able to focus on other things without distraction.

I’m already thinking about how much space I’m going to free up in the loft once I get rid of the massive collection of baby things I’ve saved. And I’m thinking about finding a really decent holiday next year for the four of us, because it’ll be the first summer that we don’t have a newborn/tantrum-prone toddler to worry about. And I’m thinking about really focusing on myself and working on getting seriously fit and healthy, not just dabbling, which is what I feel I do at the moment.

But in the meantime I have a two week wait to sit through (during which I will not be taking my temperature) and then another whole horrible cycle after that.

Well, when I’m 80 and in a care home somewhere and no one ever visits me, at least I’ll be able to tell all my care-home buddies that I gave having 3 kids my absolute best shot.

Hey I might even write a book about it 😉

Right. Time for tea and chocolate.

9 thoughts on “Just… Bleurgh

  1. I know what you mean about the dabbling. Sometimes I feel like that’s the best that I get too. I’m glad you aren’t taking your temp . I’m glad your aren’t taking your temp. I’ve only ever charted once but that drop in temp signifying a likely non success made me so depressed I could never face it again!

    • Oh that drop is horrible isn’t it? Last month was so much easier just not knowing. I really want to do more than dabble – I want to be one of those people who just lives a super-healthy lifestyle by default. I know I need to change my habits to get there, but I am totally unable to focus on more than one thing at a time!

      • I’m working on it one recipe at a time. Brekky is pretty stable. Dinner is up there but lunch and snacks can really suffer. I’m aiming for the 80/20 thing. Seems more realistic. Good luck!!!

  2. Definitely do that vacation! Do not hold back on planning something wonderful for your family. It’s one of the best things you could do right now, IMO. Your kids will be at great ages to do something super fun and those memories will be amazing when you look back.

    And, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to get rid of that baby clutter. I’ve been wanting yet not wanting to do that for a while now. Haven’t brought myself to do it just yet but think of it all the time. I waffle back and forth about whether I’m ready to do it. I figure when I stop waffling, I’ll know it’s time. But I do want to free up the space! I also want to paint the office (which would be the bedroom for a baby, if that ever were to happen) but haven’t brought myself to do that, either. These things are a process.

    • So true. We have a spare room that used to have a cot in it (we put it away a few weeks after the miscarriage last year). Now it’s a kind of non-room that we just keep stuff in. I would like to do something with it, but like you say, it’s a process. We’ll know when it’s time. X

  3. We’ll probably be sat next to each other in that care home lamenting over sore ovaries and sweet pea thieves and stupid BBT charts. See you there in like 40+ years roomie! xx

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