Hospital Results

The day I’ve been waiting for. And my results were…

All completely normal.

No problems found.

No issues.

No chromosomal defects, thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, uterine or ovarian problems, nothing.

And nothing for DH either. No chromosome issues, sperm defects, nothing.

Not even a tiny problem with my lining thickness or a slightly dodgy looking fallopian tube.

We just happen to be on our 16th month of TTC with 4 miscarriages behind us.

A statistical anomaly.

I guess random miscarriages have to happen to someone, right??

Well, with the wet fish slap in the face this morning of being 100% healthy, I am actually super-relieved. You cannot imagine the terrible things I have imagined over the last year. The empty void left behind by the baby I lost at 3 months was brimming with health-paranoia of the highest order. Every obscure disease known to man was a possibility.

I hadn’t realised quite how certain I was that something was terribly wrong until I was told everything was OK.

And I feel happy, and relieved.

I thought I’d be pissed off that they couldn’t find a reason for my miscarriages, but actually, I’m just so pleased that I’m actually OK.

So from here… I guess patience is the order of the day.

My self-diagnosis at this point is that my dormant egg quality is probably under par. Hence the miscarriages. Which means that I may go on to have further miscarriages if we keep trying. Or I may catch a good egg. Who knows? Although I haven’t had a sniff of a BFP for 3 months now, so what’s ahead really is as clear as mud.

Right now I need to let this all sink in and then decide what we really want to do. I’m not sure I have the mental strength to go through more losses or potential problems with a pregnancy further down the line.

But I’m OK.

Which I am hugely, massively, joyfully grateful for.

16 thoughts on “Hospital Results

  1. Oh Rose that’s fabulous news!! I know it’s difficult as it means everything is still unexplained but that’s better than being unwell or facing an insurmountable issue. Yay! And all things in good time. I believe it will happen for you. There is just a timeline that you aren’t aware of. XOX

  2. Rose, my 28 year old cousin had 3 miscarriges after having 2 little girls. They also found nothing at all with her and she is still trying for a third. I said to her “be patient” and i say the same to you.
    It will come, when you least expect it and when the moment is more perfect than you could ever imagine. Have faith! X

  3. I can sense your relief in your writing. I’m so happy for you. You are in my thoughts so often. Sometimes, while running I think “I wonder how Rose’s running is going…” You are a trooper, Rose Who Rocks. Cheers!!!

  4. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I’m so amazed to see all these lovely things written here!!! I love you girls!!!

  5. Rose, I feel for you on your journey. I’m sure many people have given you words of encouragement along the way. I only want to say, never give up hope. After easily conceiving and carrying our first two children we then lost one at 20 weeks and three more to early miscarriage. I thought those dark days would never end but after 2 years of TTC our last child we finally have our daughter. She is 22 months old, her name is Faith. I tell you this story only to give you hope. I don’t pretend to know how you feel on your journey, I only know how I felt on mine and how clung to every shred of hope. I wish you every happiness and fervourently hope that your journey ends as ours did. Never give up hope.

    • Thank you for sharing your amazing story. I too cling to hope, even though I don’t know what the future holds. Sometimes it is the only thing I can do to get through each day!

  6. Hello. I was informed of your blog by Becoming Min. And I just wanted to say to you, persevere and don’t blame yourself. Even self diagnosis can be a powerful (if misleading at times) sway in mind/ physiology set. I have my three kids now, but not without the heartache of losing five to early miscarriages. And despite the plethora of testing, no diagnostic outcome. So when I say be kind to yourself, I mean it in a loving way. I mean it in a declutter the negative self talk and let it go. Thank your consciousness for trying to protect you but acknowledge that you need something different. That right now, you need to hear kind words. Much love and light to you and your family. I hope you find the joy you so desire.

    • Thank you so much and thanks for sharing your story – I am so pleased to hear it worked out for you after all that heartache. I guess we will just have to see what happens, but I think you are right about negative self-talk. There’s no place for it in a happy mind and body.

  7. We lost our third pregnancy at about 4 1/2 months, almost three years ago this month. We had already named him Oliver. I was so grateful to be pregnant again only a month or two later, and we now have our precious two year old, Renzo, who reminds me daily of my blessings. Please forgive me for offering an idea…I have found working with a craniosacral therapist since then to be priceless at letting go of my grief for the sweet baby we lost. I didn’t realize how much emotion was locked into my physical self as well. Hugs to you, and I pray that you will be blessed with another child at the right time.

  8. Hi Rose, I feel like I’m sticking my nose in as I came to your blog via Becoming Minimalist
    and I don’t have any experience of miscarriage myself. But your post instantly made me think of something very interesting and useful I read some months ago.
    It’s the work of a British lady doctor: in a way it maybe doesn’t apply 100% as you’re not “ill”, but I thought it might still be of interest to you as your body is nevertheless functioning in ways you don’t want, but the doctors can’t find a root cause. This link explains about this lady’s work on exactly that subject (she’s also written books too – Mind Over Medicine specifically) lissarankin dot com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/10Secrets.pdf Hopefully it will open ok. I’ll now shut my face and continue following your great blog with interest! ps. you’ll have to piece the url back together as the comments thought I might be a spammer. I’m not, honestly 🙂

  9. pps. I’m not at all suggesting that it’s anything under your control, just thought it was relevant in the sense of doctors being unable to explain things which logically must have some root cause.

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