The day I’ve been waiting for. And my results were…
All completely normal.
No problems found.
No chromosomal defects, thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, uterine or ovarian problems, nothing.
And nothing for DH either. No chromosome issues, sperm defects, nothing.
Not even a tiny problem with my lining thickness or a slightly dodgy looking fallopian tube.
We just happen to be on our 16th month of TTC with 4 miscarriages behind us.
A statistical anomaly.
I guess random miscarriages have to happen to someone, right??
Well, with the wet fish slap in the face this morning of being 100% healthy, I am actually super-relieved. You cannot imagine the terrible things I have imagined over the last year. The empty void left behind by the baby I lost at 3 months was brimming with health-paranoia of the highest order. Every obscure disease known to man was a possibility.
I hadn’t realised quite how certain I was that something was terribly wrong until I was told everything was OK.
And I feel happy, and relieved.
I thought I’d be pissed off that they couldn’t find a reason for my miscarriages, but actually, I’m just so pleased that I’m actually OK.
So from here… I guess patience is the order of the day.
My self-diagnosis at this point is that my dormant egg quality is probably under par. Hence the miscarriages. Which means that I may go on to have further miscarriages if we keep trying. Or I may catch a good egg. Who knows? Although I haven’t had a sniff of a BFP for 3 months now, so what’s ahead really is as clear as mud.
Right now I need to let this all sink in and then decide what we really want to do. I’m not sure I have the mental strength to go through more losses or potential problems with a pregnancy further down the line.
But I’m OK.
Which I am hugely, massively, joyfully grateful for.