It should be 7dpo today, but I’ve increasingly felt that wasn’t quite right (it was Fertility Friend’s calculated date). I went back to my chart and had another look at my notes and I think it is a day out. Two reasons: I had ovulation pain the day after (and it always stops straight after O), and I had a temp dip at 5dpo, but most cycles I get a pronounced dip at 4dpo. Something to do with the way my body works I guess.
Anyway, I settled on manual override yesterday and set ovulation day to the 20th August, so I am 6dpo today and not 7dpo.
I’m a bit miserable about it as this cycle is already taking FOREVER.
Not only that, but it was DS2’s 3rd birthday at the weekend and I had the usual family stress to deal with. My own family wanted to visit at a different time of day to my in-laws, so we had people over from 9am to 9pm. That aside, my mum’s short term memory loss seems to be getting really bad and I’m worried she’s going to need to move into a care home environment. Things with my Dad have been a little strained and everyone in my family forgot our wedding anniversary (is that normal? I don’t even know whether to be offended).
I am so sad of always being disappointed by my parents not behaving like ‘proper’ parents. I know this rests with me and I need to remove my expectations, but it’s hard.
On top of that my oldest starts school – proper infant school – next week and I am feeling tearful and emotional.
It is such a huge milestone, like the end of my motherhood boot camp, and I wish I’d done some some things better and some things different and I’m worried about the friends he’ll make, how good his teacher will be, will they see his strengths, and all the usual stuff that probably every mother worries about when her first goes off to school.
And of course, it makes it so, so apparent that I have failed to create the close-aged family I dreamed of (I wanted them all at home before the oldest went to school).
Sigh – anyway, gotta go, my mother-in-law is calling round this morning. Will write more soon.