Fetal Test Results

Genetically perfect boy.

Results almost 100% reliable.

[I cite reliability because if the result comes back as a normal girl, there is a chance the cells they used were maternal, especially if you’ve had surgical management (ERPC or D&C) as sorting fetal material from maternal tissue is error-prone. Male results do not carry this risk. Also, as I gave them a whole baby, contamination risk was much lower anyway, but I digress…]

I just knew it would come back normal.

When I saw that perfect, perfect 10 week old baby, my heart knew it wasn’t a chromosomal issue.

Which leads, obviously, to the question:

Why did I miscarry?

Everything about me and the husband is apparently perfectly normal too.

Yet again, we have no answers.

At 39 I can conceive and grow a perfect baby.

Why can’t I carry to term?

I feel so sad to know we lost a healthy boy. I have been wondering today what he would have looked like, what our lives would have been like with a third boisterous little man in the house. A lost brother to both of my sons.

I know chromosome testing isn’t the definitive answer, and that something else might have been wrong that meant the pregnancy couldn’t survive, but somehow I’ve always known the problem rests with me.

There is SOMETHING not right. Something that doctors aren’t picking up. Something is causing this.

7 miscarriages in two healthy, health-conscious, non-smoking, non-drinking, medically fit and well people with zero medical history…

There has to be an answer.

Posting and catching up with your news may be infrequent over the next couple of weeks as the boys are home 24/7 for Easter. I am thinking of you all and missing you!

19 thoughts on “Fetal Test Results”

  1. This must be so frustrating and painful for you – all the what-ifs are maddening. Hold your little ones tighter and enjoy the holidays with them. Thinking of you.

  2. Rose, am so sorry that in spite of what you’ve been through, you are no closer to finding any answers – have a great holiday with your little ones. Looking forward to hearing about the caterpillars!

  3. *Hugs* Rose. It would be so nice to have the answers, wouldn’t it? *sigh* One thing we can be thankful for is the fact that you have somehow been able to carry two babies to term even though your body seems to do what mine does – it ends pregnancies. How I’ve managed to have 3 amazingly healthy kids is beyond me when I look at what my body has done all the rest of the times! 🙄
    Enjoy your holiday. XO

  4. I’m so sorry, Rose!! How frustrating. I fear we will never have answers to all of these questions. My heart goes out to you. Huge hugs, friend. And hug those boys of yours tight xo

  5. I am so sorry! It’s so frustrating. I feel the same way about my secondary IF. I am totally healthy and do everything right, but yet, I can’t get pregnant on my own, and not easily even with help. I had a missed miscarriage too at 9-10 weeks and it still hurts, I am very sorry for your loss.

      • Thank you. I will never know why but I was lucky enough to go on to give birth two to healthy girls so I am sure you will as well someday. I will be publishing my story for the first time Inational infertility week because I have decided to “come out of the closet” about my infertility. Blogging really does help doesn’t it? Best wishes.

        • Sorry – present tense in your comment threw me. I just had a look at your blog. 3 children in less than 3 years – I look forward to reading about it.

          • Well what happened is after a year of heartbreaking fertility treatments I finally got pregnant and it was with triplets. I saw them dance and they all had healthy heartbeats at seven weeks. Then when I went back at 10 one of them had just passed away. I am so blessed I gave birth to healthy twins (7.5lbs and 6lbs) but I can’t help but feel something is missing. I really feel for you since you’ve had more than one.

  6. Frustrating doesn’t begin to cover it. I almost wished that there had been some chromosomal explanation, because at least then there would be an explanation. The not knowing “why” can be the hardest part. I am just crossing my fingers that somehow, some way, you will have answers and soon. In the meantime, I hope you find some delightful distraction in your time with your boys coming up. Thinking of you always.

  7. Well, I don’t know if it helps, but we went through a lot of this. After we lost a chromosomally-normal boy at about the same gestation (not perfectly-developed, though, but chromosomally normal) we went for a whole new round of tests with some whizz-bang specialist in miscarriage. She said actually, if they find nothing wrong, it’s good. Apparently it’s a better prognosis for the future.

    It’s kind of a double-edged sword knowing that, though. Sometimes it’d be easier just to know you’re screwed.

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