Day 38 – An Ominous Sign

I started spotting today.

Not much. I may have even missed it if I wasn’t checking religiously every time I went to the bathroom. The last couple of times (spanning 4 hours), there have been faint streaks of red. Hardly anything.

But enough for me to know this isn’t good.

I’ve miscarried at 6.5 weeks twice in the past, and on those occasions spotting started on day 33 and day 41, so I’m in the red zone as far as spotting goes.

However, for a fair comparison, I also spotted pretty much through the first 8 weeks of my good pregnancies.

So in actual fact, spotting tells me nothing.

I had a distinctive stretching feeling in my uterus last night at bedtime. I was lying in bed just absorbing the sensation and it wasn’t pain – it was actually a stretching feeling (if that makes any sense). I went to sleep certain that all was well.

And maybe it is – maybe (since I’ve always been prone to bleeding), it really is just my uterus accommodating the growing pregnancy sac.

But I’m also a serial miscarrier, so maybe it’s my body getting ready to get rid of what’s inside.

Probably because it isn’t chromosomally up to the job.

Where was I when I discovered this?

At a soft play centre with the boys.

And who did I bump into?

A friend from NCT classes, who I haven’t seen for around two years. She had a surprise 4 month old with her, born one week before she turned 40. She asked me if we were planning a third… I’d literally just got back from the bathroom where I’d discovered the bleeding…

I said we weren’t really committed either way.

So I’m feeling pretty emotionally guarded at the moment. Reactions have been postponed until more definitive information arrives.

Right now, I’d do pretty much anything for wine, chocolate, and pizza.

But I’ll save the indulgence for conclusive evidence of the end of pregnancy #9.

16 thoughts on “Day 38 – An Ominous Sign

  1. Staying positive with you! The fact that you spotted even with the healthy babies is a good sign! Feels impossible not to over-analyze, over-think…but I’m praying for #3!! xo

  2. Oh, this stage is the absolute hardest. Stay strong, stay positive, and stay distracted until that scan. You can do this! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way! And hugs!

  3. I had spotting – fair amount, actually – at 9.5 weeks with my first pregnancy. I started bawling and had my husband rush me to emergency, where they did a quick examination and told me to go home and chill out. Not once did the (very cold, distant) doctor in emerg tell me that my baby was fine. He just told me that sometimes this is nature’s way of handling things. WTF?? I cried all night and drove straight to my doctor’s office the next morning. He couldn’t figure out why I was even there, given there was no current spotting, and I had no pain. He asked very clear questions: did you have any pain when you were spotting? No, I said. He said, definitively, “there is nothing wrong with your baby. stop stressing out. you and baby are fine.” No why couldn’t the emergency doc have asked just said that?

    Be strong and be calm, Rose.

    • “Natures way of handling things”?!? Some doctors shouldn’t be allowed to work with people. He probably went to the same training school as the one who told me about the “gold standard of evacuation” after my missed miscarriage 🙄 Seriously – these people need to learn what a decent bedside manner is! That sounds scary and i too would have been a mess. Just glad it all turned out ok. Hoping for good news here, but heck the waiting goes on…

      • Thyroid dysfunction is the most common cause of us midwesterners (U.S.) losing our babies early on. (Right in the 4-8 weeks period) I’m glad your practitioner is taking care of that. Mine thyroid was so low that I couldn’t get pregnant at all.
        (Not to mention it helped the fatigue!) My prayers are with you during this dodgy time .

        • Ah, I see. Yes, my test results for everything (incl. thyroid) were normal so for me it is a complete mystery. Doesn’t make it any easier to bear though!

  4. HUGS! This is going to be OK! It is! Prayers and love going out to you. I know nothing will give you real comfort until you start getting to the spot where you see and feel the baby and get past that “safe” point- but we are with you and prayers are going out! <3
    La-

  5. As I said before I’m feeling good about this one. Try not to worry yourself too much. As you said spotting tells you nothing so until tomorrow there’s not much you can do but stay hopeful. Come on little embie! xx

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