And the earliest sensations of impending ovulation have arrived. Ewcm is present. Both are reminders that we have to schedule sex if we actually want to have a baby. Romantic, huh?
It actually surprised me today that I’d gotten to CD9 without even thinking about it.
I haven’t been temping (must start tomorrow so I don’t miss my thermal shift), and I haven’t been thinking about anything other than my appointment in August and how far it away it seems before anyone will tell me if all my blood tests and my scan have come back normal or otherwise.
But lo and behold, just like that I am probably 5 days or less away from another Two Week Wait.
And as I saunter as casually as possible into the 15th month since DH and I agreed to try for number 3, I really don’t know if I have any thoughts about TTC left.
I have analysed everything. I have researched, researched, researched and nothing has made any difference. We have tried and tried, but the bottom line is my body doesn’t seem to want to hold another pregnancy.
Occasionally I wonder what the bloody hell I will do with a blog titled From 2 to 3 Kids if it turns out that 2 kids is all I can have.
I don’t feel done yet. The whole baby thing… I had my two boys so quickly (with the intention to already have had a third by now) that I can’t believe that it could be all over already.
Well, so far this cycle, I have eaten about 18 eggs, beef steak, lambs liver, lamb chops, organic burgers and sausages, spinach, tons of fruit high in vitamin C and lots of green vegetables.
I used to be a vegetarian you know.
I did some calculations on nutrition and portion sizes the other day and there actually isn’t any vitamin or mineral missing, or in short supply from my current diet. B12, iron, folate, potassium, I’ve covered the lot.
I think I am officially out of theories as to why I can’t successfully have a baby. I feel inadequate and like a failure when I meet up with my Mummy-circle friends (one of whom has a 3 week old, another of whom is due in September).
After having successfully had 2 baby boys on pretty much the first go, I feel as though I have reached a dead end.
What will I do next?
I really don’t know.