Well, I survived the weekend.
The one year anniversary of my miscarriage. The 2nd birthday of my beautiful boy. The socialising with family who drive me crazy, yet I still can’t help but love.
I am exhausted.
This has been the hardest week for me, mentally, in probably 10 years.
I feel as though I hit the bottom. I cried floods of tears. I yelled at my husband. I yelled at the kids. I sat with my head in my hands wondering how the hell to escape my own thoughts.
But now here we are. A new morning. A new start. All those milestones are gone now.
It’s time to start making myself happier.
Here are the things I have planned over the coming weeks and months, in no particular order:
- Keep running (fitness and stress reduction)
- See craniosacral therapist (let go of miscarriage)
- Have stone massage therapy (stress reduction)
- Daily meditation – at home and maybe join a course/class (stress reduction)
- Reading list: The Power of Now, You Can Heal Your Life, The Emotionally Absent Mother (deal with emotional issues)
- Try to be more mindful, spend time each day in the moment (stress reduction, emotional clutter)
- Take turns with DH for 3-hour block of children-free time at weekends (stress reduction)
- No alcohol (alcohol is a depressant)
- Stop reading miscarriage/infertility forums (emotional clutter)
- Stop mindless surfing online (emotional clutter)
- Get hair cut short! (new start, no hiding behind my hair)
- Cancel social engagements for next two months (stress reduction)
- Record daily stress level (stress reduction: baseline and peak, each day, scale of 0-10)
- Keep my house in order (calm clear environment)
- Be a patient, happy mummy. Be present with my boys (happy boys = happy mummy)
- Get the toilet, cupboard door, shelves and skirting board fixed upstairs (calm clear environment)
- Take more time to look after myself and my appearance (care about my body)
- Try not to spend all my time thinking about having a third baby (easier said than done)
Phew. I’ve already booked appointments here there and everywhere, and next week preschool starts again so I’ll have a little more free time – blogging and keeping up with the blogs I love has fallen by the wayside slightly over the summer.
I’ve been recording my stress levels for 6 days now and boy – I am WAY more uptight than I realised. I am literally in a state of permanent red-alert. Not sustainable and so bad for my body.
I did my first guided meditation last night and it immediately made me feel so much better. Just hoping I can fit everything in.