I’ve been trying to work out why I cannot seem to shift the last of my baby weight.

I have never really bothered with calories, as I’ve always been lucky enough to be on the small side, and I have always just assumed that eating less junk would give me a great body. Sounds reasonable, right?

Well, I’ve been eating brilliantly for the last month, and I do not have a great body. In fact my weight has stayed stubbornly the same even though I have cut out all snacking, all alcohol, trips to Costa and Starbucks, chocolate, sweets and cakes, and even lowered my fruit intake to a couple of pieces a day at most.

I have done all this because I am wearing braces and believe me – it is NOT worth the two minute pleasure of eating crap between meals when you have to clean your teeth and your braces afterwards.

Today I decided to track my food intake and see if I could spot where I was going wrong.

Breakfast: oats, mixed seeds, banana, whole milk

Lunch: kale, beet, apple juiced followed by baked sweet potato with an avocado and hummus, followed by whole yoghurt and sunflower seeds.

Dinner: homemade risotto and green beans

I plugged it all into MyFitnessPal which told me I ate 2,200 calories today. Today was a pretty average day, so that seemed okay to me. But then I looked up what science says I should be eating to maintain my weight. Apparently that’s around 1,800 calories, maybe just pushing 2,000 if I am really active (which I am mostly not).


Then I noticed that the majority of my calories come from fat. 104 grams of it today, to be precise. That seemed like quite a lot, so I checked that and yes – it should be more like 65g.

So I think I have my answer…

I can’t make sense of the calorie thing in my head. If you’re hungry, you need to eat, I always thought.

Sigh. I just don’t think I could put a cap on my food – it would just make me think about eating the whole time.

But it really looks like I’m going to have to make some adjustments because otherwise nothing is going to be any different. And clearly if I carry on eating what I’m eating I really am not going to lose those last few kilos any time soon.

Stress Really Does Make Your Hair Fall Out

I am losing a ton of hair. If you’re a mum you might have been through that stage post-partum where suddenly you are losing hair by what feels like the handful. Have you had that?

I had it several weeks after each pregnancy – it was particularly pronounced after the boys.

For the last couple of weeks my hair loss has been as bad, if not more excessive than post-pregnancy. There is hair everywhere. On the floor, blocking the shower, in the sink, tons of it in my comb and brush. It comes out in my hands if I run my hands through my hair. The kids keep finding it on their hands and toys.

I looked it up and apparently some of your hair goes into a premature rest phase during times of physical, hormonal or emotional stress. Then, around 2 months later, it all starts to fall out.

Steve moved out at the beginning of January, so I guess this is part of the aftermath of our separation.

It’s not severe enough to cause bald patches and I have a lot of very long hair, so I’m not too worried (yet), but it’s definitely noticeable.

Funny how your body is listening and reacting quietly inside to everything that happens to you. It’s so easy to dismiss thoughts and feelings as not affecting our health, but they clearly do!

First Run Of The Year

Oh my god. I have lost so much fitness.

I went out today to test the water – to see how much work I’ve got ahead of me if I sign up for this 10k. Dad is free to look after the children so it’s just a case of whether I can manage it or not…

I ran 2.34km today in 18 minutes. It was awful. Really horrible. For the first 500 metres everything in my body screamed at me to stop. My arthritis in my feet hurt, my lungs hurt, my legs hurt. And the wind was freezing cold, even though it was 9° and sunny. Then it was okay for about two minutes, and then the remaining time (which I mostly walked) was just spent calculating the shortest route home and wishing the wind would stop.

I cannot believe how fast you lose everything you work so hard to gain.

I planned to walk/run 3.9km, which is a circular route around our village, but I never would have made it.

Oh well. Maybe I’ll gain it back faster as it’s only been five months since I ran the Great South.

It was a bit of a much-needed reality check on how badly I have taken care of myself over the winter. Nonetheless, I am green-juicing again and I’ve done a run, so it’s all good. I’ve juiced every day this week so far and planning on continuing. Still not quite ready to commit to a big 8 week push to super-fitness. It makes me a bit nervous. But I know I really need it.

Invisalign Update and Doing It!

Two part post:


Invisalign is going okay. I switched to my second tray last Thursday. I was nervous, wondering if I would have five days of horrendous pain again, but it was fine. Some tooth tenderness for the first two days, but no headaches (or crying, ha!).

I am concerned that my teeth are looking really brown. Especially the ones with the attachments on. I drink a couple of cups of decaf tea a day, and have since I was a teenager, so I have two theories:

1. My enamel is more porous from all the cleaning and brushing and is absorbing the stains from tea.

2. The plastic is somehow discolouring my teeth.

Every Invisalign comes with free whitening, which makes me wonder if they don’t know that this happens to a lot of people? I didn’t read about it anywhere. I will ask the dentist when I go in for my checkup on Friday.

Doing it!

I am so fed up of having a post-baby body. I’m 43, so now I have a post-baby, middle-aged and getting-older-rapidly body and it just makes me feel so depressed when I look in the mirror. I know I am comparitively slim, but I am so self-conscious of the flabby tummy and the thighs that are far weightier than they used to be.

It shocks me daily how freaking old and tired I look. I should have started running again by now as I’m running the Great South in October, but the weather has been bloody awful (the daffodils are out and we’ve just had two days of snow – it is insane at time of year for it to be so cold).

It’s time I started. I was also thinking about how I have successfully weathered two and a half weeks of no snacking and hardly any junk food simply because I have braces in, so why don’t I build on that? I don’t have to go through all the crappy withdrawal and cravings at the start like usual – I could dive headfirst into a really healthy eating plan and hopefully see some real changes.

I thought that stopping snacking would see my weight drop a little, but no such luck. My body is clinging on to that fat like nobody’s business, so obviously just cutting out sugar and alcohol isn’t enough (that alone is totally unfair and depressing – sometimes I feel like how far do I have to go to see the changes I want to see?).


I’m waiting for confirmation from my Dad that he can have the kids in 8.5 weeks for a 10k run in his village that I have done before. It’ll mean couch to 10k in 8 weeks and some serious commitment to better eating but I think I am ready to do this. I don’t want to feel and look this way for the rest of my life – and lets face it, it’s only going to get worse.

My plan is something along the lines of:

1. Three super nutritious, balanced meals a day

2. One green juice/smoothie per day

3. Follow a beginners/returners 8 week running plan and include hills on my route

4. Ensure I do some form of strength training at least once a week

5. Set up an 8 week, weekly reward schedule for congratulatory (non-food) treats

6. Join an online bootcamp for support

7. Measure progress weekly

8. Blog weekly for eight weeks to stay accountable (obviously!)

I think, for me, the shorter term the goal is, the more likely I am to achieve it. I get distracted and side-tracked in life so easily. Can I stay focused for 8 weeks I wonder?

If I actually see results it will be easier – that is half the battle for me. I so rarely see any change worth commenting on. I think the only way my body will respond is total immersion, all variables at once. Otherwise the impact is so small so then I give up because it leaves me feeling it’s not worth it, which has happened over and over and over again…

I think I’m going to go for it. All in. See if I can actually see some real changes for once.

Getting Better

F woke up every single hour from 9pm to 4am last night. I kept an eye on her temperature and got very little sleep. She woke up and asked for water every time until 4am. Then she puked everywhere.

Oh man. She was in the bed with me, so it wasn’t even contained within her cot. After a major clear up job, I think we both finally slept between 5:30 and 7.

At 7:30, as the boys were asking for breakfast she puked all over the sofa with the water I’d given her (she was crying for a drink).

Then L dropped his breakfast bowl on the floor and it smashed to pieces. I finally got everyone out the door and drove up to the school and to the bus stop. I asked a mum from each school to see each of the boys in and took F home. Thankfully no sick in the car.

She wanted to go back to bed, so I did also, only to be woken by the shopping delivery coming 40 minutes earlier than the allotted timeslot. Sigh!

But F woke up then and seemed a bit brighter and her headache had gone. She lasted until 2 and slept again til 4.

Steve took the boys swimming and she’s in bed now (7:30pm). No sick for 11.5 hours, so hopefully the worst is over. She is a lot happier than she was yesterday. I am SO relieved, and my stress levels have gone right back down, which I am very grateful for.

The Raw Food Diet

Long, long ago, one of the things I started blogging about was the raw food diet and trying to eat a greater proportion of raw food. Somehow amid the craziness of the last few years my raw food quest has gotten lost. Although it was never forgotten. While all raw is a bit extreme, I would definitely like to be eating way more salads and fresh juices and smoothies.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, especially since I’m on an enforced 3 solid meals a day regime with my Invisalign. We’ve been a vegetarian household for a while now (not sure of the last meat we all ate, but sometime in January). I have also been aware that sometimes I eat a vegan meal inadvertently, which I am pleased about. However, sugar and alcohol have always been my achilles heel(s), and I could just never see a way to get really fit and healthy until I cracked both of these things.

Well, it seems the alcohol has finally (mostly) run its course and just doesn’t hold the appeal it once did. And the sugar habit has been forcefully smashed to pieces by my braces.

My energy levels are more stable than they have been for ages, and I can now go 5 or 6 hours without eating without having a physical or emotional meltdown. Sugar makes me hungry, cranky, and is a major contributor to the last of the babyweight I’m carrying around.

Eating three meals a day, so difficult in the first few days now seems so much easier and simpler. I actually like preparing all the things I’m going to eat and then sitting down to a proper meal. Then I don’t have to give food a second thought for hours! And because I’m not on the sugar high-low rollercoaster, I just slowly get hungrier for my next meal without any angst or dizziness or weakness or wobblyness I am used to. I was spending every waking minute thinking about what to eat next, so it’s been a real revelation.

Anyway, I say all of that because I’m thinking about getting back to juices and green smoothies and a lighter, more nutritionally dense way of eating. Just thinking about it. Maybe I’ll start something in April – that will be a month in my braces and a good 31 days of better eating as a good foundation. We’ll see.

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