So after yesterday’s mini-meltdown, I’m feeling so much better (and we now have a clean kitchen).
I think I just needed to let all that fear out.
So much fear for pain ahead that I may never have to go through.
My uterus has gone quiet (which is also worrying me after the last two days of aching – you just can’t win). My boobs are still averagely sore and I’m still feeling a little watery-mouthed.
I have ummed and ahhed about a private scan. In the end I came to the following conclusions:
- I did a bit of googling and it seems that a scan today, or tomorrow, will at most, show a pregnancy sac. The heart starts beating between weeks 5 and 6, so going for a scan and not seeing a heartbeat will do nothing to reassure me, and I’ll just have to go back in again a week later.
- My doctors appointment is this evening, so hopefully I will find out how long I’ll need to wait for an early scan.
- If an early scan isn’t going to be that early, I will book a private scan for the start of next week (I will be 6 weeks on Monday).
And I’m OK with all of that.
Still absolutely no trace of spotting, or any painful cramps, so deep down, my gut feeling is that everything is OK.
The panic-lady I have living inside my head has lain down and gone quiet.
I am feeling somewhat embarrassed that the last time I saw my doctor, I cried when he prescribed me the pill, and this time I’m going in to tell him I’m pregnant. I’ve actually dreamed of this scenario over and over in my head.
Now, my doctor is definitely more:
but the fact is, he’s a really nice man, and I feel a bit silly-teenage-girl-ish going in there to tell him I’m having a baby after crying my eyes out last year and insisting on taking the pill because I couldn’t.
It seems kind of weird… or maybe it’s just me.