At The Preschool Gates

As I waited outside preschool this afternoon to collect DS2 (the only mum there without a baby in a buggy), I had the opportunity to listen to this conversation:

Yeah, I wanted mine close together. 20 months between them. What’s the age gap between your three boys?

Three years each time.

Oh yeah, that’s good. Time for another soon, ha ha!

Ha ha ha! No I don’t think so.

You won’t have any more then?

No. I just feel like I’ve been really lucky, you know. I don’t want to push my luck. When I was doing the night feeds with my┬áthird, I was like… I can’t believe I’m doing this again, ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Yeah. We’ll probably wait til this one is at preschool before we have a third.

And so it went on.

Two women, one with three kids, one planning three kids, not a hint of trauma or worry between them. They just get pregnant, and out they come 9 months later.

How lovely it must be to be like that.

Sometimes I wonder what the gods are playing at up there, sticking conversations like that in my day when I’m trying to get my shit together.

10 thoughts on “At The Preschool Gates”

  1. Oh I feel your pain. I had hopes of having three or four children and here I sit with my one sweet girl. After three summers of treatment and chemical pregnancies and BFNs I feel like I need to be done and focus on what I do have. I must admit I have lost my faith in God as I don’t understand why I must endure this much pain.

    As I start the journey to accepting my life as it is I have been bombarded with pregnancy announcements–even a natural “whoops” from my cousin with only one ovary–and many of them twin pregnancies! My heart breaks with every announcement.

    My husband tries to tell me we will be able to do so much more for our DD–but my heart yearns for her to have a sibling.

    I follow your blog and love it. It is so frustrating to have no control over the number of children you have!!

  2. I’m so sorry – it always pains me to hear of others going through this same thing. To discover you can’t have children after you’ve already had a successful pregnancy is a unique kind of torture :-(. And yes, pregnancy announcements – especially the accidental ones – are so hard to bear.

    Your husband is right, but that is of course not what we want to hear. And the thing I really HATE is when people say “it’s for the best”. What would they know?? How do they know what is best??

    The need to be done and move on is powerful (and it is probably the logical part of our brains talking), but it’s not an easy step to take. I’ve been working on it for a long time and am not quite there yet. It’s just so… final. I don’t know. It’s hard to know when to say enough is enough isn’t it?

    Wishing you peace on your journey xxx

  3. I know. I just felt like turning around and saying something really awkward and inappropriate about miscarriages, like the time an overly bubbly woman asked me in the early pregnancy assessment unit waiting room if I was there for a “routine scan”.

    No one goes there for a routine scan.

    I said in a flat voice:

    “No, my baby is dead.”

    And that was the end of that conversation.

    But to be fair, since they weren’t actually talking directly to me, I decided to keep quiet ;-).

    How are you doing? Have checked on you lots, but figured you’re getting yourself together quietly and will be back when you’re ready. Hugs xxxxxx

    • You are so brave to say that to the woman in the waiting room! In my head, I like to think I will be gutsy enough to say things like that, but in reality I think I’m too polite. Good for you! People need a bit of an education in sensitivity.

  4. Geez, it just seems like everyone in real life has such an easy time of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and having kids. Logically I know that’s not actually always the case, but it sure feels that way so often. I feel like I have overheard lots of these sorts of conversations over the years. As much as I am trying to embrace the age gap I have been given, people who can actually plan their timing really annoy me. I think they always will.

    • Yep. Me too. It just seems so callous to assume you’ll get pregnant at a given time. But then many women do exactly that. It brings out the angry toddler in me: “NOT FAIR!”

  5. Boy do I get it in the last 31 months of fighting Infertility I swear I am surrounded by the most fertile people in the world. From all the moms at football practice to my extremely fertile Sister in-law with 6 kids and debating on having more Sometimes I want to hide and not come out until they are all done having kids .

  6. It is hard to hear that conversation Rose…I can’t imagine how it must punch you in the gut. I am not trying for a third and something about that conversation bothers me too. It takes away from the miracle getting pregnant is and minimizes it in my opinion. To be so flippant about how easy it will be or the implication that it can be a burden is frustrating.
    A friend was recently telling me she wasn’t sure when she would get pregnant with her third. Maybe I was stepping out of line but I said, “well, maybe you should start trying if you are sure you want to get pregnant just in case it doesn’t happen so easy” and she looked at me with a look as if I was crazy and said, “oh no, I’ll get pregnant, I know my body”…wtf? So, knowing our bodies gets us pregnant? if only it were so easy, that comment made me bristle. Love you Rose. xoxo

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