97.9

That was my temperature this morning.

It is the most ambiguous temperature in my cycle. Historically it tends to be the first post-O temp that I get. But it also makes an appearance a few times before ovulation. It’s like the mid-point of my body temperature, and my pre and post ovulation temps pivot around that point.

Which means that I am never really sure if I have ovulated when I get this reading in the middle of the month and so, we never really know whether we need to BD that evening or not.

It’s just annoying. Why can’t it just do a great big jump up to 98-something so I know for sure what’s going on?

So, here we are, CD16, trying not to obsess (but clearly failing), and wondering if I am going to be able to step away from ovulation next month.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog too, and wondering if a small part of my difficulty in moving on is because I love to write on here. It’s the only place, in the whole wide world, where I can sit and pour my heart out without fear of judgement or pity. It’s just a matter of fact record of what’s going on with me, and I like that a lot. It’s the only place I can write about my obsessions and fixations and not have to listen to people saying “don’t you think it’s time to let go?” or “it’s all for the best, just think how lucky you already are!”. I know these things, but that doesn’t change the way I think and the time that it takes to genuinely move on from these things without ending up in the loony bin.

So, to recreate this environment, I have been thinking about blogging more personal things under my real name, because I really do love to write about what I’m doing. But my main problem with that is that I don’t want my family and friends to read it.

Bah.

I have this need to talk about my feelings and to connect with others, but I can’t do it in real life. Crazy.

Yeah.

So that’s me on this rainy autumn morning.

2 thoughts on “97.9

  1. You sound like me talking, as far as wanting to get all your thoughts out but not necessarily wanting it to be to someone’s face. That’s exactly why I started my blog. Even if you want to reinvent your blog and go in a different direction with it, you still don’t necessarily have to let your friends and family have access to it. You could just revamp this one, there’s no harm in that!

  2. I can definitely relate to not knowing what to do with your blog as you reach a crossroads. You are not crazy, BTW. Your need to express feelings and connect with others is exactly the same reason why so many of us started and continue our completely anonymous blogs. You are in good company.

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