I don’t even really know what to say about this.
Last month, as I said in my previous post, I had a breezy two week wait and apart from a bit of mourning on the day AF arrived I was doing really well.
Actually, let’s go back a bit further.
A few months ago, with my 40th birthday looming on the horizon (it’s now in 2.5 weeks), I took a look in the mirror and decided I needed to focus on my health – properly. Not because of TTC, but because I just needed to look after myself.
So, I started green smoothies yet again after a long break, and I bought some anti-aging supplements (chlorella, spirulina, and coQ10 (ubiquinol)). I also bought a multivitamin and started upping the amount of veg we were all eating. We’d slipped into bad habits over the summer where the boys had been home. Also, for a while now I’ve been taking a very low dose of DHEA (IVF clinics often prescribe this to improve egg quality, but it takes several months to take effect). The recommended dose is 75mg, but it’s a hormone and requires monitoring, so I have been taking only 25mg a day – in fact, I was basically finishing the pot I had left in the cupboard, just because it was there.
I’ve been exercising at least once a week since early August.
I don’t know if these changes made a difference or not (I have also been caffeine and gluten free since the end of April), but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Anyway, back to this month. It started out well, and in fact, we almost missed my ovulation I was so laid back about it (can you believe that? That never would have happened six months ago).
And that was that.
But on Tuesday I was just so tearful. I spent the whole day catching up on blogs and reading about what everyone else is up to (so many pregnancies out there right now!), and then reading about egg quality and catching up on forums and all the shit that I really shouldn’t be doing.
And then… I can’t even explain it. I just had this feeling I was pregnant. I thought maybe it was psychosomatic and caused just by reading about pregnancy.
I turned the house upside down looking for a leftover pregnancy test. Not a single one in the house.
I went online and put some pregnancy tests into a basket – the 10miu ones I prefer to use – but then when I went downstairs to get my purse I decided I was being an idiot, so I didn’t buy them.
Yesterday I spent the whole day trying not to think that I was pregnant.
Sore boobs. Which I get most months.
Nothing else. No cramps, no aching, no spotting, no cm even.
But this feeling…
So this morning after dropping DS1 off at school, I took DS2 to the supermarket and we picked up the cheapest £1 test I could find.
And I’m 10 days past ovulation today, so still too early really, for a shop test.
But I did it.
And with second morning urine.
And that’s what came up, straight away.
I kept picking it up, looking at it, putting it down, and walking back across the room saying to myself I’m seeing things.
But that line is there – on a regular old test.
So, as you can imagine, it doesn’t seem very real at the moment.
And as you know, there are a million and one things that can go wrong at this early stage (and I’m right up there with things going wrong!).
Another miscarriage could easily be on the cards, given my “advanced” age, and my history. Plus a whole host of other bad things I don’t even want to think about.
So, I’ll wait a while.
And we’ll see where we are in a few weeks time.
In the meantime, I shall be shovelling as much organic fruit and veg into my body as I can manage, because this is my first pregnancy since my coeliac diagnosis that looks like it stands a chance of getting off the ground, and my immune system is much better behaved these days!