A New Home

I am moving to a new blog.

I’ve exported my minimalist and decluttering posts and will now be permanently in residence at:

http://loveminimalism.wordpress.com
I am no longer there either – find me now at Ordinarily Raw!

It’s still very new, so it doesn’t feel too lived in (yet!) compared to this place.

This will blog will remain for the foreseeable future. I may occasionally update on how I’m getting on post-ttc.

I’d love to see you there – bear with me while I get into the swing of things!

Much love,

Rx

A New Day

The sun is out and shining on the gorgeous autumn leaves.

Are you bored of reading about this yet? Yes? Close your browser now ladies 😉

I feel like I’m on the home straight now. Just a few more days, and with my nice predictable cycle, spotting could start at any minute.

Yes, at any minute I could find out which way my future is going. I’ll be so glad to have confirmation, to finally see the finish line.

A few months ago, my brother said to me I should just never use birth control and maybe one day I’d get a nice surprise. Now, this might be the right choice for some, but I am really far too much of a control freak to do that. Can you imagine, waking up at age 43, and finding out that you’re pregnant? It’s not so much the age, it’s the fact that my boys would be 9 and 8 and there is no way I’d want to go back to the beginning again. I always wanted my children close together in age, so it’s always been now or never.

But it’s OK. Never isn’t always such a terrible thing.

Besides, what would I do with all the baby stuff in the loft? I could open my own branch of Babies R Us at present and I really don’t want all that sitting over my head (physically and metaphorically) until I hit menopause.

So, onwards, onwards, onwards.

Besides, you all really want to read about something other than TTC by now, surely 😉

You know I’m a huge over-sharer so as soon as anything happens I will let you know.

A Wobble

rain

As the hours pass ever more slowly towards AF, all I can think about is this big decision and whether it is the right one.

I read back over the early entries in this blog. This is what I wrote a few days after finding out I was pregnant 17 months ago:

We um-ed and ah-ed for months and I kept trying to tell myself two was enough, and now that I actually am pregnant with number three, I am totally, completely, head over heels in love with him/her and couldn’t have imagined it ever being any other way.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders today.

It has rained non-stop here since I woke up, and it just fits my mood so perfectly.

T Minus 5 Days

Sounds more exciting than 9dpo, right?

Well, I caved. I tested. I thought: What the hell, it’s my last cycle, I’m gonna do whatever the hell I like, and if I want to POAS then I will.

Besides, my boobs are like two watermelons on my chest and I’ve got 3 spots on my chin.

So I did. With an extra-sensitive 12.5miu test.

It was, of course, a snowy white BFN 🙄

BUT nevermind.

Because I’ve also made a list of things, of goals, of plans, that I will formalise at the end of this cycle. And you know what?

I’m actually a tiny bit excited about it.

About moving on.

About doing new things.

About not doing the baby thing, which I’ve been doing for almost four years non stop, including 18 month of fantasising about doing even more of the baby thing.

About getting all the baby stuff out of our house and standing up and grabbing the future and making it exciting again.

I have seen women almost destroyed by secondary infertility along this journey. I have read some heart-breaking stories and watched people, like myself, cry month after month after month.

It is a cruel thing.

T minus 5 days.