Wardrobe Detox – Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

wardrobe before

Wardrobe “before”. Not too bad really.

Here is what I got rid of:

Clothes

  • 2 dresses, worn to two weddings a week apart, while I was waiting for my natural miscarriage to start (never gonna wear those again!)
  • 2 dresses I bought to be slimmer, healthier and tanned. It didn’t work. Never worn.
  • 1 skirt that makes me look fat every time I try it on.
  • 2 tired work cardigans.
  • 1 Pineapple cardigan. I used to dance at pineapple studios when I was younger. I bought the cardigan off ebay years later in an attempt to rekindle my youth. It didn’t work.
  • 1 green velvet blazer. I had one at university so I bought this because I thought it would make me cool again. It didn’t work.
  • 1 red Warehouse suit jacket. Haven’t worn it in years.
  • 1 silky grey top. Worn once.
  • 1 blue and white scarf. Bought because my friends wear scarves and they look nice. I don’t really wear scarves. Never worn.
  • 2 pashminas, 1 white, 1 green. Bought because they were £2.50 in a closing down sale.
  • 1 short black work skirt from Wallis. Last worn to my Nan’s funeral 18 months ago, which I missed as it took me four hours to drive there. Not a happy day.
  • 1 pair of pink hot pants. Never worn. Bought them to make my legs nicer. It didn’t work.
  • 2 M&S V-neck jumpers in navy and dark purple. Work wear, not worn for months.
  • 1 yellow floaty top. Bought for work. Worn once.
  • 1 Coast silk halter neck top. Bought off ebay, never worn.
  • 1 Santa Suit. Free for a 5k run I never ran.
  • 1 Mango suit (jacket and skirt) in black velvet. Bought while out shopping on my honeymoon. I wanted a more “corporate” image. It didn’t work.
  • 1 dressy top with loose chain decoration. Still haven’t sewn the chain back on.
  • 1 navy and white spotty work top. Worn every week at work. Not touched since I left in February.
  • 1 cheap, black, static-prone cardi from Sainsburys.

Shoes

  • 1 pair Champneys flip flops
  • 1 pair M&S black pumps. Never worn.
  • 1 pair very old and worn Clarks black flats
  • 1 pair brown Barretts heels. Never worn.

Total out

29 items (pair of shoes = 1 item)

Work in progress

wardrobe declutter during

Next job

Separate dresses and coats wardrobe not to be tackled yet 🙂

Getting Serious About Minimalism

minimal toiletries

I took this photo in early 2003. I was staying in a hostel in Sydney, part of a round-the-world trip, and these were my room-mate’s toiletries. I never saw him/her (venus razor in blue, right guard deodorant… gender unidentifiable) in the two nights I stayed.

But this little collection of the bare essentials really impressed me.

I’ve been decluttering for around 10 years now. In fact, the photo above probably marks the point for me where I actually realised I wanted a much simpler life (it was such a major moment for me that I actually took a photo of someone’s toiletry bag).

I come from a hoarding family, so keeping things “just in case” has always been a big problem.

It’s taken 10 years, but now I live with a collection of items which are all useful, instead of like this:

lounge clutter

My problem is… I still think there’s too much of it.

I’ve been reading Tammy Strobel’s new book, which talks about how she gave away everything to live in a tiny house.

And I think I’m ready to take the next steps.

My possessions at the moment fall into the following:

  1. Clothing, shoes and bags
  2. Exercise gear and equipment
  3. Toiletries
  4. Jewellery
  5. Books
  6. More books
  7. Electronics and gadgets, including cameras, computers, mobile, ipod, etc.
  8. A collection of sentimental things
  9. Some ornamental bits and bobs
  10. Joint household equipment (from hoover and ironing board to cutlery, DIY and gardening tools)
  11. A large filling cabinet of household filing
  12. DVDs
  13. Computer games
  14. Everything children-related (this is actually a massive amount of stuff, as many mums will agree)

I don’t really own much in the way of obsolete-hobby equipment (I gave it all away after having kids and realising all hobbies would have to wait at least a decade). All my music is digital. I’m not a collector of “things” (like owls, or mini houses, or stamps).

But it’s still too much.

I crave simplicity.

So I think I’m going to take the next step. I’m going to pare down my things beyond what we have already done.

So that I can free up time and emotional energy.

Medical Appointments

My heart rate must have doubled in the doctor’s waiting room. I thought I was going to fall off my chair and be sick while I waited to be seen.

Once I got in there, I just said:

“I can’t stay pregnant.”

Turns out none of my fears were realised. He was very kind, and said he understood how difficult it must be, and referred me to the hospital clinic immediately.

My appointment is on the 18th June, at the department that I spent three days in following my miscarriage last August.

He said they will do a number of blood tests, but that they would probably find nothing.

At least if they find nothing I will know that nothing is wrong with me.

In the meantime, all I can do is continue eating as well as possible and trying to control my stress levels and tearfulness over this whole thing.

Most depressing of all is the weeks ahead of waiting for yet another cycle to come around.

Waiting, waiting, waiting, while I get older and older.

Giving Up. But Not Quite.

I woke up this morning and took my temperature.

It said 98.3.

That’s my usual, non-pregnant, post-O temp.

Straightaway I knew there would be no line on a test this morning.

There was no line.

Stark, white, BFN.

Same batch of tests – I’ve used many packs of these over the last 7 months – they do not ever leave evaporation lines.

The fact I get a feeling that I’m pregnant, and that faint line, makes me think that my body is rejecting egg after egg.

This, effectively, looks like it’s my 3rd chemical pregnancy in 4 months.

Those eggs don’t even get a chance.

They try to implant and my body just shuts down on them.

Why?

So I give up. I need help, an opinion. I’ve done what I said I’d never do.

I’ve booked an appointment at the doctors.

Just in case I haven’t made it clear enough, I can’t bear visiting the GP. I get nauseous and nervous and panicky in the waiting room, to the point where I am a complete wreck that can hardly articulate my problem when I get in there.

I don’t even know what I’m going to say.

I am frightened they won’t take me seriously (at our surgery, if you don’t have a leg hanging off they tend to just send you home).

I am frightened they will just lecture me about being old (38).

I am frightened they will quiz me over why I want more children when I have two already.

I am frightened they will dismiss me and do nothing when my world revolves around TTC and I feel like I am dying inside every month that it doesn’t work.

My backache is especially bad this morning and my boobs are definitely sore.

Too early for PMT, but no line on that test means it’s all over for this month. Again.

Why, why, why?

Is it just a simple matter of waiting for a good egg because the ones that have popped out so far have been rejects?

Or is there something wrong with my system, with my hormones, that is giving me ghost babies over and over again?

I WISH I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON!

Evaporation Line Paranoia

I couldn’t help myself.

But I couldn’t hold any longer than 2.5 hours either.

I did another test and it was negative. Although 2.5 hours isn’t a very long hold when you’re trying to detect teeny levels of HCG.

But I’ve been googling images of evaporation lines and thinking maybe it’s just that.

Although my boobs are a bit sore today (again, unusual for me this early) and I just feel pregnant.

It’s hard to explain.

It could all be nothing.

It could be phantom symptoms from me convincing myself that this was going to be the month.

And the fact that my temperature is currently 98.9 might not mean anything (the only time it’s ever that high is when I’m ill).

I read this morning’s test after 10 minutes (it said 5, but I took a shower), so it wasn’t dry and the line was clearer when it was wet than it is now. That should mean it isn’t an evap, right?

Aaargh!!

I can’t bear the suspense!

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