17 Weeks

Seems almost impossible that I’m 17 weeks along already. So, pregnancy news, short and sweet:

  • I think I’m feeling movement most days now, but it’s still very faint.
  • My nausea hasn’t gone yet (man!), but has settled to a low level. It’s triggered by certain foods, not always reliably, so the other day I had a severe attack after eating hash browns for example. Overall though, it’s far more manageable now.
  • My boobs are enormous, and I need new bras. It’s on the to-do list. My bump is still pretty small (see pic below).
  • I am a massive 2.8kg/6lbs lighter than I was with both boys at 17 weeks. I have no idea how – I’ve eaten chocolate for Britain. However, I’m completely gluten free now, so maybe that has something to do with it?! Either way, I’m super-pleased about this as I put on too much weight last time.
  • Total weight gain from zero to 17 weeks is 2.8kg/6lbs (same as above!), which I am spectacularly pleased about. Baby measured exactly right at my scan last week, so somehow I’m doing something right (for once).
  • I see the midwife tomorrow, for my booking in appointment. I have suspended all emotion for this meeting, and will just see how it goes.
  • Clearing out the spare room is taking a very, very long time and we have had to do some serious sorting out to make room in other places for all the stuff. It’s a work in progress, but at the moment we are nowhere near prepared.
  • Emotionally, I’m feeling pretty good most of the time. I still have waves of anxiety, probably every day, that something has happened to the baby, but I’m much more in the mindset of being pregnant now. We talk about it freely and there’s no ignoring other people’s excitement and the enthusiasm from the boys. I haven’t bought a single thing, or even thought about what we might need. We have some stuff already, but almost no newborn things – I got rid of almost all of it during the multiple miscarriages. We have no pram or pushchair (sold them all), our car is too small, no clothing (donated the lot), so I’ll have to cross that bridge at some point. I am feeling a huge drive to clear out and sort out, which is a good sign of acceptance on some level. I still can’t quite imagine that I’ll get to the point where I have to give birth, and I still worry all the time about miscarriage. At this stage I know it would be more birth than miscarriage anyway – far more involved than popping out a baby at 10 weeks, however, I can’t quite move on from that. Being 17 weeks seems slightly surreal. In some ways, although we talk about everything in a positive way, I’m still stuck in the it could all go wrong at any time way of thinking. Of course, there is also a big part of me that is quite terrified of giving birth, given what I’ve been through before (massive blood loss, losing consciousness, emergency transfusion, emergency theatre, etc), so maybe I’m hanging onto the early loss thing because facing the bigger event is too scary. Hmm. Need to do some work on that. Anyway, I’ve gone on too long about this. Emotionally I am generally fine, honest 🙂

So, here’s a bump pic from this morning:


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