Yup, it’s true, I have made it to 10dpo and I haven’t even touched a pregnancy test. For the woman who buys ultra-sensitive tests and has been testing from 7dpo for over a year, this is no mean feat, I tell ya.
I had a wobble today. It would be so easy to walk upstairs right now and POAS and see that BFN.
But I am holding out. Because:
- After 17 months I am finally convinced I won’t be having another baby.
- I don’t want to know about early chemical pregnancies any more. I’ve had 3 and they are too sad.
- I’ve always kind of liked my periods and I have finally realised that the bleeding that shows I am (apparently) a fertile woman is a nicer way to learn there’s no baby than a plasticky, stark white, negative pregnancy test.
- Getting a BFN but still having to wait for AF is just cruel.
- Letting go (and not testing) is a step I need to take towards moving on.
- Secondary infertility can kiss my arse, because I’m done with being its pawn.
So there you go. I’ve had no out of the ordinary symptoms this month really, and we only BD’d once during my fertile window anyway, but I think I am actually going to be OK when AF arrives. I will be gentle with my own body when it tells me, in its own way, that it hasn’t made a baby again.