17 February 2018

F slept through last night – and so did I! I woke briefly at 2:30am, but otherwise a peaceful night all round. First night in a couple of weeks that she hasn’t screamed, cried, or talked to me in the middle of the night.

Does anyone else suffer from Raynaud’s? I’ve had it for years in my hands and (rarely, if they are ever exposed in the cold), my feet. I finally managed to snap a pic today, as the only place I ever seem to get it is driving the car:

By the time I got to a place I could stop it was wearing off, but you can still see the total failure of blood circulation. It’s like temporary frostbite.

And I think I must be dehydrated – my fingers look like I just got out of the bath.

Teeth and Gums

I went to the dentist today for a hygienist appointment. I have been TOTALLY COMMITTED to an extensive daily oral hygiene since I was told I had gum disease a few weeks back. I have been brushing, interdental brushing, flossing and mouthwashing.

I felt so pleased with myself for sticking to it, and I swanned in expecting them to congratulate me on my super-clean and healthy mouth.

When the hygienist looked in my mouth she said:

Well, I am very surprised by that!

[No response from me: my mouth was open and she had her mirror and fingers in there]

Very surprised. Yes, I really am surprised.


I usually have a good idea what to expect when I finally take a look in someone’s mouth.


But you really have got a lot of tartar there!

Can you believe that? My happy optimism about how clean my mouth was fell through the dentists chair and crashed onto the floor with a thud. She said she would not be able to tell that it was only four months since I last saw a hygienist. It basically looked as if I wasn’t bothering to brush my teeth on the insides at all.

So I’ve come away determined to cut down on the sugary food and to pay yet more attention to my brushing style.

I also have quite bad receding gums on some of my molars. I’ll try and snap a pic. It’s really horrible.

11 February 2018

I decided today that I would set my blog to private going forward.

But then I realised that self-hosted blogs don’t have the private option built-in, so my option is to use a plugin to make it private. That requires a bit of time to make sure I choose the right one.

In the meantime, I’m not going away, I just want to keep things more personal – please feel free to request access once it changes!

10 February 2018

A better night – F woke briefly at 03:30 and everyone slept in until 07:10. Lovely ?

I’ve not had any meat for two weeks and all we have left in the house now is three tins of tuna.

I’m working on a set of veggie meals the kids will enjoy before I think about reducing dairy. Today I made (all vegan) tofu chicken nuggets.

The fried coating on these was amazing. The tofu inside was… well, tofu I guess. The kids ate half of what I served (6 large each) and didn’t complain. I’m definitely making them again. I adpated the recipe from the here one at Under A Lemon Tree and I used buckwheat flour instead of oats.

The weather here is appalling and the kids are now on half term so I don’t know what we’re going to fill next week with.

9 February 2018

The night before last was pretty good. All the kids were actually, really, asleep by 20:30, and I only woke a couple of times in the night feeling a bit restless (that’s usually a sign that I’m caught up and just need to do some exercise in the day).

But then last night was not great. I woke at midnight, then F woke at 01:20 with a terrible cough and coughed and moved around in her cot until 02:30. I gave her a couple of cuddles and a drink, but she just needed to cough up what she needed to. I dropped back off to sleep and then she woke again at 03:40 and wanted the blanket over her as it had slipped.

The screaming has definitely reduced a lot though, which is great for my stress levels as I’m not being woken up thinking that the world is ending every couple of hours. Also she’s going to sleep faster and with less crying than when she was in her own room. Yay for small improvements.

I dyed my hair today. I’ve had increasing amounts of grey hairs for years now – the first time someone commented on them was around 2014, and I was already well aware of them by that point. They have slowly gotten ever more numerous and I just can’t live with it any longer.

I went with a semi-permanent, dark brown colour (L’Oreal Casting Creme in Darkest Brown 300). My hair is really long at the moment and the newest hair is always very dark so that seemed the best match.

However, it wasn’t the miracle cure I was hoping for. Firstly, my grey hair is REALLY stubborn. After dying it, all my hair is a different shade, but you can still see the grey. It’s not as obvious, but it’s still there. Also, I was under the misapprehension that my hair was completely brown, but it turns out it’s actually quite a warm brown colour (see pics to see what I mean).

So, the upshot is I now have a flatter and slightly darker hair colour, and the grey is better, but not gone. Oh well. At least it washes out in 28 washes. I need to come up with a better plan for next time.

7 February 2018

Mixed night last night. I thought L was asleep, but after I turned lights out he came in at around 21:00 just as I was dropping off. Then again at 21:15, so I let him get in with me to fall asleep. I then carried my very heavy and lanky eight year old back to his own bed at 21:30. So much for my super early night.

F cried in the early hours as her nose was blocked. I was tired when I woke up, but my mood today has been so much improved – I no longer feel like I have a horrible blackness hanging over me.

Even C crying all the way home from school because he didn’t want risotto for dinner couldn’t phase me. I just gave him a big kiss and said I was sorry he didn’t like what I was planning.

In between playing feed the teddies and hand puppets with F today I sorted through the last of the cupboard stuff. Oh it’s so lovely now it’s done:

The rest of the house is a mess, but I’ll work my way around to that.

On my computer yesterday I found a backup of my first ever blog from 2005, on a very early version of WordPress. I had a read through some of the entries and my whole writing style was so different. I had a ton of energy and I seemed so much lighter. Isn’t it amazing how our attitude and outlook can morph over time? When did I become so serious, so maudlin, so worn-down and worn-out? I am going to see if I can import them – in fact I’m thinking of importing everything – 13 years of ad hoc writing about life.

Hoping for a good night tonight, as always. I really think that if I can get the sleep sorted, everything else will be so much easier.