A Walk In My Shoes

Just for fun this afternoon I wrote down everything I did for the seven hours between 1:30pm and 8:30pm.

  • Change baby F’s nappy
  • Make lunch for me and the kids. F won’t sit in the highchair because of the cat, so I eat my lunch, with her eating her lunch, on my lap
  • Clear away lunch stuff
  • Call coroner
  • Convince all three children to get dressed so we can walk to post office. Bribe C by telling him he can take his remote control car in the lanes
  • Deal with baby F who refuses to get in buggy for first 10 minutes of trip
  • Deal with tantrum from C and take car away as I have already explained he can only use it in the lanes, not on the road
  • Post eBay parcel at post office
  • Walk home, baby F falls asleep in buggy
  • Wheel buggy into house and try to catch up on a bit of work I was supposed to do at the weekend
  • Finish an editing task and email a client
  • Get drinks for the boys
  • Tell the boys there are going to be some changes around here and that Mummy is going to get organised. Okay they say, and run off to play.
  • Shout up to the boys to stop bouncing on the beds
  • Log into eBay and mark parcel as dispatched
  • Hit re-list on a dress that didn’t sell and reduce the price
  • Empty tumble-dryer (we have no washing line, so I am tumble-drying in 25 degree heat), and fold up washing
  • Empty washing machine and put damp load in the tumble dryer
  • Open all the doors and windows as the house is overheating
  • Take the tags off some new winter clothes for the boys and run them through a quick wash
  • Get the now awake baby F out of the buggy
  • Try to take off her shoes but she refuses
  • Put the buggy back in the car
  • Put the shopping bags back in the car from this mornings supermarket trip
  • Enter post office spend in my budget (I use YNAB)
  • Help L find C’s watch
  • Help F put on a thick winter cardigan she has found on the floor even though it is boiling hot
  • I walk away after putting on the cardi, which is apparently the wrong thing to do because baby F immediately has an inconsolable tantrum
  • Bring the washing upstairs while she screams on the floor as she is too angry to hold or to comfort
  • Take the cardigan off because she is sweating and overheating
  • Tell C who is lying on my bed naked to put his underwear back on
  • Put some washing away until baby Fs rage calms to normal crying. This takes almost 15 minutes from start to finish
  • Cuddle her (now she isn’t thrashing against me) and sit and read some picture books with her
  • Move to her room as she wants to play with toys
  • Help L look for his watch. The boys room is so messy we can’t find it
  • Go back to baby Fs room
  • Help baby F try on several outfits she has pulled out of the cupboard
  • Break up a fight between L and C
  • At 4pm decide that the TV is going to have to babysit as I cannot leave the three of them unoccupied and I have to prepare and cook dinner
  • Pick up and put away all the outfits away that baby F has pulled out
  • Change baby F’s nappy
  • Track down the lady who offered to help rehome the cat by going through this mornings call history on my mobile until I get the right number
  • Call her and check I didn’t imagine it, and apologise for crying on the phone this morning
  • Empty the tumbledryer and fold up all the washed and dried bedlinen, some of which has sat on the floor for two days after the boys managed to smash a glass lampshade all over the bed with their lightsabers
  • Put the next load of washing in the tumble dryer
  • Chop up a broccoli and a cauliflower for tonights dinner
  • Get baby F a drink
  • Put the last 40g of a 200g bar of wholenut chocolate that I’ve eaten over the last few hours back in the cupboard. I now have a mouth ulcer
  • Get pots and pans ready for dinner
  • Sit down and watch some CBeebies with the children <– THIS IS MY BREAK TIME 😂
  • Three minutes later answer the phone to the cat shelter who can take Little Bob this evening. End up in tears again over everything. Wonder how I’m going to manage to drop him off without being a sobbing mess
  • The husband arrives home. Pass the kids over and, give him a fun summary of my day
  • Take the last load out of the tumble dryer and fold up the clothes
  • Make cheese sauce, cook sausages, cook veg
  • Wonder, while I am cooking, if my stress levels contribute to how anxious baby F seems to be all the time. Feel guilty. Feel guilty about always having so much to do. Feel guilty about the cat. Feel guilty about everything
  • Serve dinner. L says ‘Yuk’. C leaves most of it. They all eat some yoghurt and apple
  • Feed the cat
  • Break up a fight between C and L over cheating at Guess Who
  • Deal with C’s tantrum over it being too late to get a new jigsaw out
  • C hits me on the back while I am sorting out toothbrushes for L and baby F in the bath. C refuses to get in
  • Finally convince L to let me remove the remnants of the three stick-on tattoos he got over a month ago
  • Get F and L out of bath.
  • Send L to get dressed and read downstairs
  • Read stories to F
  • Get F a drink
  • Put F into cot
  • Get cat box out of garage
  • Go back upstairs and cuddle crying F
  • Say goodnight to C (husband has read stories)
  • Go back and cuddle F again
  • Gather up cat things
  • Get husband to help get cat in cat box
  • Drive to rescue house, leaving baby F still crying, and try not to imagine horrible things happening to Little Bob
  • Arrive at rescue house and discover a wonderful lady in a wonderful house with a wonderful cat “hotel” in her garden
  • Drive home and thank the universe for looking after Little Bob
  • Stop for wine at the local shop, even though I finished the last of an open bottle yesterday and I said I wouldn’t buy any more
  • Get home and tell the husband the cat lady is lovely
  • Go and reassure L, who is still awake, that Little Bob is going to be fine
  • Open the wine and sit down, grateful for a good end to a difficult day.

Lakeside 5k Series 4/5

Tonight I am running a 5k race. I did number 3/5 of this series last month, and I got my best time in literally years, so I had been hoping that 4 weeks on I would be able to shave a few more seconds off and maybe reach that elusive sub-30 I have been chasing.

Things have not really gone my way in the lead up to this race. Work has been really busy over the last month and I’ve been eating erratically and not very well. Then in the early hours of Sunday morning baby F started vomiting. She carried on around once an hour until everyone woke at 7am, so that was a night’s sleep lost. The following night (Monday), she woke and asked for water a few times and then screamed at me when I tried to put her back in the cot. I slept on the floor in her room. Thankfully she had stopped being sick, but each time she woke I was expecting it. Tuesday in the day was all a bit emotional with L’s last day at infant school. He was taking part in a leaver’s assembly that really tugged at the heart strings and there were quite a few tears from quite a few mums, including me. The husband had looked after baby F at home and I had been worried so much she was being sick again (the husband does not cope well with vomit). When I got home after the assembly she spent the best part of the day clinging to me and crying.

Tuesday night was another broken night’s sleep. Baby F woke crying several times and once for a watery poo in the early hours. This morning, surfacing from what little sleep I had managed she screamed and screamed at me when I tried our morning breastfeed (the last one we still do). It turned out that she didn’t have her Bee-Bee blanket to hold, which she always has during a feed but in my sleep-deprived state I couldn’t fathom what was wrong. After two bad nights and her constant crying in the day my nerves are shot.

Today (Wednesday), is the first day of the school holidays. In desperation, when she went down for a nap this morning, I locked the doors and put a film on for the boys so I could nap too. I managed a fitful hour and to be honest I don’t really feel much better for it.

Baby F has cried on and off today and wants me right by her side every second. With the boys home this is not possible or practical so when I am not with her she just wails and wails. Not to mention I am braving things like trying to clear up a watery-poo-explosion in the cot after naptime, with her wailing and the boys running riot and asking for stuff, all while I am trying not to contaminate any surface or myself.

I am so tired, and so worn out. I have found myself wishing again today that I had family nearby who wanted to help out. I know so many mums who have a grandparent or three living in the next village or street, always at the end of the phone.

I get quite down when I don’t sleep and I find it hard to maintain a positive attitude.

So, all-in-all, I am not expecting great things this evening at the race. It’s a fast local run, so coming last doesn’t bother me, but I really wanted to break 30 minutes and I fear life has just sucked all the energy out of me of late.

I will post an update after the run.