Getting Back Into It

Boo has learnt to climb up onto the sofa. She fell off head first the other day and has a nice bruise to show for it.

It’s funny, but when I’m happy and content, I find that my blogging inspiration dries up. When things are hard, or I’m suffering with self-doubt, I can write thousands of words – they just pour out of me and onto the screen.

I blame obsessive diary-writing for this as a teenager. All my teenage angst gave me so much practice in writing about emotions like frustration, anger and sadness, that it set me up to be a maudlin blogger for life. Writing about secondary infertility kept me going for three long years – there was so much emotion there I practically burned through my keyboard.

These days however, life is good. And my god I am grateful for it. I think partly I worry about somehow tempting fate to take all the good things away from me if I publicly talk about good things happening in my life. But partly it’s just that I’m happy. And my brain is less busy when I’m happy, which means the need to write (which is very cathartic for me) decreases.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t make for a) decent blogging and b) ever finishing any of the books I have started to write and not finished (because my mood affects my desire to write also, and writing is one of my big loves).

So.

I’m going to try something new.

Firstly, I’m going to write a “On The List This Week” post at the start of each week. I love my lists, and this is a great way for me to be even more accountable to the massive list of things I want to get done. It also means I share what I’m up to and hopefully find other people doing similar things.

Secondly, I’m going to try posting more often, even if it seems like I have nothing to say (omg, I can hear you all clicking ‘unfollow’ now).

Thirdly, I’m going to try to find more bloggers out there like me. I really want to read and share and see what other people are up to. It’s really the most fun part about it. I struggle a bit with the WordPress reader, but I’ve been clicking around trying to find new blogs to follow and have a few new ones on my list now (yes, that’s you I’m stalking, mwah ha ha!).

So, without further ado, this weeks “On The List This Week” is late as it’s Wednesday, but here it is anyway:

  1. Start my tax return (yawn!)
  2. Do not buy any food except bare essentials like milk and bread (I am trying to use up everything in the cupboards/freezer/fridge as part of a money saving drive)
  3. Do two more runs
  4. Ring up and check what happened to my pension (I got a statement and its value had gone down by 20%)
  5. Start sorting out my photos (oh lordy – I am in a mess with these. My phone isn’t syncing with my desktop and everything is all over the place)
  6. List baby carrier and pro microphone on eBay
  7. Think about adding household accounts to YNAB (I am a total YNAB convert – it is the best personal budgeting tool I have ever used!)

That’s it for today!

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

I’ve been away for so long. Why? I have spent vast quantities of time thinking about social media and blogging this year, and I have done very little about any of it. I’ve finally decided that it all comes down to self-acceptance, and that is not one of my strong points.

Without a decent dose of self-accepance, I will forever have one foot in the camp of self-doubt. And that means that anything and everything I post online is something that might be used to shame, ridicule, embarrass or criticise me. And you know what the craziest thing is? I don’t really mind if this comes from complete strangers, it’s the people that I know that I’m afraid of looking stupid in front of. My family, my friends, the people I used to work with, or go to school with. But the thing is, I truly love blogging. I love to write, my business is the web, and being online today is beneficial in so many ways that there really is no point hiding away for fear of what my old classmates might think of me.

So, I’ve been working on this whole self-acceptance thing, and I think I’m ready to get back out here. I’m spectacularly average at most things, which is something I occasionally find embarrassing (42 years on this earth and I can count my achievements in single figures), so I doubt there will ever be anything here to blow anyones mind, but I have lots of interests, and I like to share. One of the things I love about blogging is the connection with like-minded people. I have some treasured long-distance friendships that exist only because I poured my heart out online. So I’m hoping to be around a bit more now. If you’re reading, let me know!