Oh man. I have a lot to learn about videos. Sorry about the crappy sound quality. And the shaky camera hand. People that do this all the time must spend hours on it. I think I was wrong – writing is quicker, but I can’t see my own results from the written word, so until I get better it’s crappy videos all the way.
My uncle died suddenly at the end of the school holidays. I get very maudlin and depressed when someone passes on – it was the same with both of my grandmothers. For weeks I was just miserable and all I could think was that we are all going to die and someday it will be my turn and maybe that day is coming soon. Time eases it, thankfully.
My oldest son went up to a new school so the start of the school year brought heaps of form-filling, new school run routes and buses, new clubs, homework and routines.
Work started back up almost immediately and I booked in three new projects to take me up to Christmas.
I ran the Great South Run (10 miles), for the first time in 7 years. I did it in 1hr45, so I was pretty damn pleased with that 😉.
Thankfully, in some sort of miracle, unprompted transition (we didn’t do anything different), baby F has pretty much started to sleep through, because without that I’m not sure I would have coped (just don’t mention daytime naps because that is a world of pain and overtired toddlering).
Taking better care
As you can imagine, self-care went somewhat out of the window in the midst of all the emotion and busy-ness. I was back to drinking wine every evening to take the edge off the day and eating sugary food all the time as comfort.
In the second week of September I decided I’d really just had enough of the wine (it’s only taken 26 years). The number one reason was that although baby F often woke only once and sometimes not at all, I was still waking every couple of hours. I knew it was drinking wine before bed every evening that was the issue. I wasn’t drinking enough to knock me out for the night, but my innocent habit of a glass or two was ruining my sleep.
It’s been seven weeks since I had any and it has been eye-opening how much I craved it in the first month. It had become a method of dealing with stress, which I know is a destructive path.
Quite how much I wanted to drink at the end of some of the days I had both scared me and made me sad that I had decided to give it up!
Unfortunately, the wine in the evening has been replaced with chocolate in the day. Despite still running regularly my weight has slowly crept up to what it was a year ago. I constantly crave sugary food – especially when stressed.
I don’t enjoy the relationship I have with food so much these days. I used to be a functional eater and I just didn’t eat unless I was hungry. Now it’s got a lot less to do with how hungry I am and a lot more to do with how nice it tastes.
Which brings me nicely to where I am now. I’m going to be working with a nutritional therapist over a 12 week period. I had been thinking of booking her for a long time, but I needed to be ready.
Now I am. Really I am. I feel old and podgy and tired and listless.
I really love reading about people doing this sort of thing, but I have so little time to blog. Instead I’m going to try something WAY out of my comfort zone and vlog it.
I am an introvert who far prefers writing to talking, but video is so speedy. Even editing out all the “er”s on my phone only took ten minutes. But not only that – you can’t beat video for showing how things change. I’d like to hope that I will get to see some changes, so it’s mainly for a personal record of the changes (if any?!), I experience. I’d love to be able to look back in 3 months time and see real, visual results.
I told the husband I was categorically not going to run the last race in the Lakeside series.
This morning a friend who had also signed up sent me a text. She’d just got back from two weeks in the US, and she was jetlagged and sleep-deprived (she’s a working mum of two).
She said she was thinking of running and asked if I was going to run. I said I’d do it if she did it. We did it! We braved the hoard of super-athletic runners from South East England and we ran our little hearts out.
It was altogether a friendlier race tonight, and the Marshall wasn’t packing up when I came around the corner either. However, life has taken its toll because I pushed hard but came in at around 30:58. I was TIRED. It was HARD. My friend set a PB after a fast start and struggling on the second lap – she did brilliantly.
I came home and hoovered up a huge plate of leftover spag bol and had a big glass of wine. It’s the first run I’ve done in 10 days and I am so glad to be back at it. I can’t really say I enjoyed tonight, because I honestly wanted to stop all the way round and go home, but I felt great afterwards.
I have another 5k race booked next weekend, and then after that a 10k trail run, with hills (omg). I am going to try to eat a bit better over the next couple of weeks. I can’t control the sleep thing, but I can at least try to fuel my forgiving body properly.
I am absolutely certain that I am reaching the limit of improvement with my current lifestyle (my time is pretty much the same as it was 9 weeks ago on race 3/5). I’ve been hovering around the same weight for over a year and I am just not feeling very energetic and healthy. I know how important diet is… for some reason it’s the one piece of the puzzle I find so hard to put together.
I’ve fallen behind on my updates. Not that there is much to update, what with school holidays, lack of sleep and a death in the family!
Photo books 2010-2017
I have done nothing on this goal for the last two weeks. Not a jot.
I don’t get any time at the computer when all three children are home.
2012: Done. Awaiting ordering.
2013: To be started
A good week followed by a bad week:
Mon – Rest
Tues – 5km 30:28
Wed – Rest
Thu – Rest
Fri – Rest
Sat – Parkrun PB. Aced it in 29:50 and FINALLY achieved my sub-30 minute 5k, HURRAH!
Sun – 14km run in 1:35. Can’t quite believe I ran that far!
I have put every day in as a rest day for the latest week, but the irony is that I haven’t really had any rest. I’m feeling really crap about running and everything in general at the moment. My joint pain has flared up really badly too, with a lack of sleep (same old story), and too much wine. Hoping to break out of this next week and get back to it. I can’t give up now – I’ve been running for months.
Empty the tumbledryer and fold up all the washed and dried bedlinen, some of which has sat on the floor for two days after the boys managed to smash a glass lampshade all over the bed with their lightsabers
Put the next load of washing in the tumble dryer
Chop up a broccoli and a cauliflower for tonights dinner
Get baby F a drink
Put the last 40g of a 200g bar of wholenut chocolate that I’ve eaten over the last few hours back in the cupboard. I now have a mouth ulcer
Get pots and pans ready for dinner
Sit down and watch some CBeebies with the children <– THIS IS MY BREAK TIME 😂
Three minutes later answer the phone to the cat shelter who can take Little Bob this evening. End up in tears again over everything. Wonder how I’m going to manage to drop him off without being a sobbing mess
The husband arrives home. Pass the kids over and, give him a fun summary of my day
Take the last load out of the tumble dryer and fold up the clothes
Make cheese sauce, cook sausages, cook veg
Wonder, while I am cooking, if my stress levels contribute to how anxious baby F seems to be all the time. Feel guilty. Feel guilty about always having so much to do. Feel guilty about the cat. Feel guilty about everything
Serve dinner. L says ‘Yuk’. C leaves most of it. They all eat some yoghurt and apple
Feed the cat
Break up a fight between C and L over cheating at Guess Who
Deal with C’s tantrum over it being too late to get a new jigsaw out
C hits me on the back while I am sorting out toothbrushes for L and baby F in the bath. C refuses to get in
Finally convince L to let me remove the remnants of the three stick-on tattoos he got over a month ago
Get F and L out of bath.
Send L to get dressed and read downstairs
Read stories to F
Get F a drink
Put F into cot
Get cat box out of garage
Go back upstairs and cuddle crying F
Say goodnight to C (husband has read stories)
Go back and cuddle F again
Gather up cat things
Get husband to help get cat in cat box
Drive to rescue house, leaving baby F still crying, and try not to imagine horrible things happening to Little Bob
Arrive at rescue house and discover a wonderful lady in a wonderful house with a wonderful cat “hotel” in her garden
Drive home and thank the universe for looking after Little Bob
Stop for wine at the local shop, even though I finished the last of an open bottle yesterday and I said I wouldn’t buy any more
Get home and tell the husband the cat lady is lovely
Go and reassure L, who is still awake, that Little Bob is going to be fine
Open the wine and sit down, grateful for a good end to a difficult day.